


Passing Through Gethsemane

by Annsabella



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, F/M, Horror, Survival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:47:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25237978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annsabella/pseuds/Annsabella
Summary: Janeway and Kim become stranded on a baron planet struggling to survive as unknown alien visitors come to hunt the dangerous life forms who only come out at night.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 44
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

When Kathryn Janeway opened her eyes, it was cold. “Ahh!” She cried painfully upon moving her left arm.

“Don’t move. I’ve set the bone, but it won’t stay that way if you move around too much.” Harry Kim said leaning over her.

“What happened?” She asked through gritted teeth.

“We were caught in a gravimetric surge. It knocked out per pulsion and caused us to crash on this planet. From what I can tell you were knocked unconscious when the inertial dampeners went offline. Luckily, I was in the aft crawl space trying to get the engines up when it happened, or I may have been knocked out as well.” He answered placing a hypospray to her neck.

“The _Flyer_?” The pain was receding to a dull ache.

“Still in one piece for the most part, but I’m not sure how bad the damage is. Shortly after the crash, I detected nine alien life forms converging on our position. I grabbed as many supplies as I could before carrying you here to this cave. I sealed the Flyer after emitting a homing signal, with any luck _Voyager_ should detect it.”

“It’s cold.” She commented trying not to shiver, it could cause the bone to become offset.

“Sorry about that.” He apologized. “There’s a draft blowing through here. This was the first defensible location I came across with the least amount of wind. I didn’t want to try and find another spot until I had treated your injuries.”

“And?” She questioned.

Draping a blanket over her he replied. “I’m no doctor, but other than a broken arm, a fractured right ankle, and various bumps and bruises you’re going to be fine. You did have a laceration on your left cheek but after a few minutes with the dermal regenerator you’re good as new.”

“What about you Harry?” She asked feeling a little warmer.

“A few bruises, nothing serious. If I hadn’t of been in such a confined space it could have been worse.” He admitted. “I’m going to check on the fire, I’ll be right over there if you need me.” He said then pointed at the small fire a few feet away.

When he stood and headed toward it, she looked up and saw a hole about two meters across. It was unusually dark outside, and for some unknown reason, she had the strangest feeling they were being watched. “Harry?”

“Yes, Captain?” He called back heading toward her.

“What kind of alien life forms did you detect?” She asked still staring up at the gaping hole.

“Quadrupeds. They seem hostile but primitive, why?”

“Because I have the feeling we’re being watched.”

Pulling out his tricorder he began scanning. “I’m not detecting anything. According to these readings, we’re alone.”

“I don’t think so, Ensign.”

“What makes you say that?” He asked perplexed.

“Because I just saw something move up there.”

Harry turned and stared up at the hole. When he was just about to look back at his tricorder, he saw movement. “What the . . . ?” He said puzzled and looked back at the tricorder. “I’m not picking up anything, but I definitely saw something.”

“At least I know I’m not seeing things.” She said, almost relieved that it wasn’t just her imagination.

Closing the tricorder, he placed it back into his belt and pulled out a wrist beacon and a phaser. Shining the light into the hole, both he and Janeway saw a winged creature. It was black, but as the light touched its skin it shrieked as if in pain and flew away. The sudden cry was enough to startle both, and Harry was sure that little scare had taken at least ten years off his life. “What the hell was that?” He asked.

“I don’t know, but I think it would be a good idea to find a better spot. I have the feeling - whatever it was - will be back.”

“Agreed.” He replied. Holstering his phaser, he saw Janeway trying to sit up. “Just stay still, I’ll help you get up after I’ve got everything repacked.”  
He sounded harsh, but she knew him well enough to know that it was unintentional, so she stayed put and watched as he began gathering their supplies. 

“Harry?”

“Yes, Captain?” He replied, continuing to quickly shove items into a bag.

“When was the last time you slept?”

Without stopping he answered. “Nearly thirty-six hours.”

“And how long had I been unconscious?”

“Almost twenty-two.”

“When we find a more secure location, I want you to get some sleep.”

He stopped and turned toward her, looking exasperated, if not extremely annoyed. “I’ll be fine. If anyone needs sleep, it’s you.”

“I’m not going to debate this with you.” Her voice had taken on a steely edge that he was all too familiar with. Usually, it intimidated him, but if she had seen what he had in one of the tunnels she’d have understood that the last thing in the world he felt like doing was sleeping.

“With all due respect Captain, if that thing came back while I was asleep you would be in no position to defend us. The logical thing to do would be for me to stay awake until daybreak.”

“Logical?” She questioned; a bit taken back by his choice in words. “When did you become a Vulcan?” Turning he continued packing. “What’s happened to you? The Harry Kim I know wouldn’t behave this way.”

Without missing a beat, he replied. “The Harry Kim you knew isn’t here anymore.”

He was angry, that much she knew. She only remembered seeing him this way once, the day she ordered him to break off his relationship with Tal. “What are you talking about?” When he threw down the bag and turned toward her, her suspicions were confirmed.

“For six years you’ve treated me like a child as if I couldn’t possibly do anything on my own. I realize that when I came to your ship straight out of the academy, I was naive, I didn’t have any experience, but I’ve learned. I have quite a bit of experience now and you’re still seeing me the way I was then.

“I don’t know what else I can say or do to get you to acknowledge that. I don’t think I can. You’re going to see me the way you want and there’s nothing I can do about it, so why do I bother trying? I’m going to spend the rest of my life here in the Delta Quadrant an ensign and give up my dream of being in command of a ship of my own. That’s the way it’s going to be, I know that, but I just can’t let go of it.”

“Harry.” She began softly until her voice gained strength, “I’m sorry you feel I’m treating you as a child, that was never my intention. It’s true I see you differently from the rest of the crew, but I do see how much you’ve grown over the years. Not just as a person but as an officer. You’ve managed to surprise me on many occasions, coming up with solutions to problems that I hadn’t considered. I had always thought you knew how proud I am of you. How you’ve exceeded my expectations over the years, and just when I think you’ve reached your limit you exceed it. You always continue to surprise me, keep me on my toes. I’m sorry you feel I haven’t acknowledged your achievements, I thought I had, my mistake.”

His face was softer now, and the squared shoulders had relaxed. If she ever had a son, she hoped he would turn out to be like the young man who stood before her.

“I’m sorry Captain, I was out of line.”

“It’s all right Harry. Apparently, this has been building for quite a while now. I have to compliment you on your restraint.” She smiled. “Now, why don’t we get out of here?”

Returning the smile, he replied. “Yes, ma’am.”

***

Finding a more defensible location proved to be harder than either of them anticipated. Taking step after agonizing step, Kathryn felt sorry for Harry. Not only was he carrying the backpack containing the meager supplies he had managed to gather before leaving the _Flyer_ , but he was supporting most of her weight, trying to relieve most of the pressure on her fractured right ankle.

With her right arm draped across his neck, he wrapped one arm around her waist and lifted her slightly while holding her by the wrist with his other hand. She could hear his ragged breathing, and all though she was a small woman, supporting all the extra weight was wearing him out, not to suggest than she herself wasn’t tired. Every step, every movement, sent a sharp pain through her leg to her hip.

“We have to stop,” Kathryn said finally. “I’ve taken about as much pain as I can tolerate for the time being.”

However reluctant, Harry was glad to take a break. “To tell the truth I’m not sure how much further I could go before I had to stop myself.” Helping her over to the wall, he held her by the right arm, easing her down onto the dirt floor before taking off the pack to join her.

"I can’t believe we haven’t been able to find another spot,” Kathryn commented.

“Neither can I. I’m almost beginning to think we should have stayed where we were.” Opening the canteen, he offered it to her first. Taking it, she took a couple of long swallows before handing it back. “How’s your arm?” He asked before taking a drink.

“Sore, but I’ll live.” She replied flexing her fingers within the gel packed immobilizer.

Harry smiled and recapped the canteen before putting it back into the pack. Leaning back against the wall he closed his eyes. He had only planned on resting for a few minutes but had allowed himself to fall into a blissful sleep.

When Kathryn realized this, she didn’t have the heart to wake him, so she allowed him - however fleeting it may have been - to sleep. Pulling the phaser from her belt she took over the watch.

***

An insistent pain in Harry’s lower back forced him to abandon the realm of dreams. When he opened his eyes, it took him a minute to recognize his surrounding, they were still stuck in the cave.

He had been dreaming about the tunnel he saw earlier, piles of bones and bodies filling the small space. Some had been nothing more than animals, but the others . . . _“Best not to think about it.”_ He thought.

“Feeling better?” Kathryn asked.

He nodded. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You needed the rest.”

Before he could reply, the sound of loose rock captured his attention. “Did you hear that?”

“Yes.”

Without any further warning, the floor of the cave began to tremor before turning into an all-out quake. Standing, Harry gripped Kathryn by her good arm and helped her to her feet before grabbing the backpack. Taking that first step, Kathryn stumbled. Losing her balance, she crashed into the wall, the broken arm being the recipient. She screamed, feeling the once set bones shoved out of place.

“Captain!” He cried, then grabbed her around the waist to keep her from falling onto the ground, making the injury worse. She was gritting her teeth, trying desperately to keep from going unconscious.

Without another word, Harry scooped her up in his arms and headed as fast as he could down the passageway. He had to find a way out before the tunnel came crashing down on top of them. If that happened, they’d never get out.

He could hear falling rock behind him, but he didn’t dare look back. Even though he had the captain in his arms he was moving at an extremely fast pace, somewhere between a jog and a run.

Kathryn clutched her broken arm, trying to keep it from being jerked around too much. Gritting her teeth, she looked over his shoulder. Behind him was a swarming mass of black-winged bodies, falling over each other, jockeying position to get one inch closer.

As much as it was going to hurt, Kathryn released her broken arm and pulled the phaser from his belt. Aiming over his shoulder, she began firing at the creatures. Shrieks and screams filled the small space, mixed with the roar of falling rocks as the tunnel continued to collapse behind them.

Kathryn watched as a large slab fell on a few of the creatures, crushing them. Their blood - a bright neon yellow - began to instantly corrode whatever it encountered. Rounding the corner Harry’s pace began to slow from exhaustion. Taking several more steps, he stopped, sure the danger had passed, he sat Kathryn back on her feet then collapsed to the floor, physically drained.

When the dust settled, she was the first to realize that the entire passage behind them had been sealed by slabs of rock and mangled bodies. In the distance came a low buzzing sound, like that of a swarm of angry bees, it was coming from behind the ruble, and it was getting louder.

“Harry?” She called backing up.

“Yes, Captain?” He called back, forcing himself to stand.

“Run.”

“Run?” He questioned.

“Run!” She ordered, half running - half limping toward him despite the shooting pain in her leg.

It didn’t take long for him to realize the reason for her urgency, the buzzing, and for a moment wondered if he could run any longer, that is until she grabbed him by the arm on her way past, nearly pulling him off his feet.

On wobbly, exhausted legs, he ran behind her, the buzzing becoming louder despite the fact they were moving away from it. Then he realized that the sound was moving with them. Looking up, he saw several blue-green lights. _“What were they? Lightning bugs?”_ He wondered and stopped dead in his tracks.

No longer hearing the pounding feet behind her, she stopped. Turning, she saw him standing motionless in the center of the tunnel looking up. Following his gaze, she looked up to see the glowing insects. “Harry?” She called, cautiously making her way back to him.

The sound of her voice broke him away from the unusual sight. Pulling his tricorder, he opened it only to discover it was broken, a huge fault running through it. “Damn.” He cursed.

“What?” She questioned, tearing her gaze away from the blue-green insects.

“My tricorders broken, and in my haste to get out of the _Flyer_ I didn’t pack another.”

“I had one on my belt earlier, what happened to it?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t remember seeing it when I pulled you out. Perhaps it fell off when we were being tossed around.” He said offering an explanation.

It was as good an explanation as any. “We need to get back to the _Flyer_.” She said trying to keep a cool head. The pain in her arm and leg was making it extremely difficult to keep control.

“That’s going to be difficult.”

“Oh?”

“I made a map of the caves with this tricorder, and now I’m not certain where we are.”

“Great!” She shouted frustrated. “That’s simply great! How are we supposed to get out of here? I don’t suppose you paid any attention to where we were going?”

“Not particularity no. I didn’t expect the tricorder to become destroyed.” He admitted, despite the fact he knew it would upset her further. “I’m sorry Captain.”

“Sorry isn’t going to help us get out of here.” She snapped.

Up until this point, he was ready to see past her irrational behavior, it was the pain talking, he knew that, but the tone of her voice rubbed him the wrong way. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a bit?” He asked pointily, making her realize she was taking this a little too personally.

“Forgive me, Harry.” She said taking a cleansing breath. “Being in pain has a tendency to make me say things before I’ve thought them completely through.”

“Believe me, I understand.” He assured, offering her a smile that was returned. “How’s your arm?”

“Broken. It was shoved out of place when I fell into the wall earlier.”

“These insects - whatever they are - don’t seem threatening. If they were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. So, I suggest we reset your arm before moving on.”

She nodded reluctantly, not looking forward to the amount of pain she would be forced to endure. “Let’s get this over with.”


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of the door chime forced Chakotay to abandon the report in his hand. Laying it on the desk in Kathryn's office he leaned back in the chair. “Yes.” The door opened and Tuvok stepped inside. “Any word from the away team?” He asked.

“No.” He replied handing him a data padd. “I have Seven Of Nine continuing to run long-range scans of the area and she has made a rather interesting discovery.”

Reading the padd he understood. “Damned inconvenient is more like it.” According to Seven’s scans, a white hole was in the area. It had only been there for less than fifteen seconds, but the shockwave would be enough to cripple the _Flyer_. “I’d say we have a pretty good idea of what happened to them.” He said handing the padd back. “Set a course for the Bethuri Cluster Mister Tuvok, best speed.”

“Aye, sir.” With a curt nod, he left.

Letting out a sigh he stood and headed for the bridge. It had only been two months since Kathryn admitted her feelings for him. It had taken her close to five years to admit it. He didn’t want to question it at first because he was caught completely off guard, but when the shock wore off, he began thinking about it. What changed her mind? When he finally asked her, he was surprised to learn it wasn’t any of the reasons he thought, something he would never have guessed.

They were sitting on the sofa in her ready room going over reports, just as they had done hundreds of times. Sometimes stopping to chat about the latest rumors, or indulge in a cup of coffee, but this time was different. He remembered looking over at her after taking a sip of coffee when a strange look came over her face. Later, she would admit wondering what it would be like to kiss him. He was floored. He had thought about kissing her but never thought she would consider the same.

Later that evening in her quarters she admitted to wondering about other things. How it would feel to be in his arms, his hands caressing her skin. What it might feel like to have him on top of her, making love to her. How it might feel having him hold her until she fell asleep breathing in his scent. She was also quick to inform him that that was not the only reason she reconsidered having a romantic relationship, but it’s what got her thinking about it.

When she sat down and really allowed herself to consider it, she began to wonder how she would feel if he weren’t apart of her life anymore. If he had died or decided to become involved with someone else. It was at that moment she felt her heart ache and realized for the last five years she was fooling herself into believing she only cared about him. She was attracted to him and had been since they left New Earth, the feelings only growing stronger over time. Even though it hadn’t changed her feelings for Mark, she felt guilt over being attracted to another man.

Though she realized her true feelings, she decided to wait so she could observe his behavior and determine if he still loved her. It was three weeks before she realized he felt the same, later telling him that it had been a long three weeks.

He remembered the first time they made love. Every sigh, every gasp, every moan she made was still fresh in his mind. If he closed his eyes, he could see her lying beneath him, her hands stroking his chest, arms, hair, face, touching every part of him she could reach, looking at him through heavily lidded eyes. The feel of her legs wrapped about his waist. Her soft white skin - slick with their sweat - rubbing against the other. Her pillow-like breasts yielding against his chest.

The first time he’d made her orgasm was the closest thing to bliss he’d ever known. Feeling her vaginal muscles contracting and expanding around him, her head tossed back against the pillow, eyes closed. Her mouth open, gasping, moaning, until crying out his name. Then her eyes opened, gripping his arm and shoulder as she locks her eyes with his. Overwhelmed by her beauty, the feel of her touching him, surrounding him, urging him toward release.

He stares into her eyes for as long as he can until he’s overcome by his own release. She pulls him close, holding him as he comes inside her. His strength depleted, he collapses on top of her, breathing heavily. She strokes his head and back, kisses his hair and sighs content. Not once did she complain about his weight pinning her to the bed, quite the opposite, in fact, she welcomed it. Then after several moments, she speaks so softly he could barely hear her. “Thank you.”

Shifting his body to the side, he pulls back to gaze upon her face. Stroking her cheek, he asks. “For what?”

She smiles, and his heart melts because it’s different this time. It’s the smile of a woman who’s surrendered herself to love. “Waiting for me.”

He couldn’t help but smile back, even now as he remembered it. Brushing the hair away from her face he replied. “I’d wait an eternity.”

She pulls him down and kisses him slowly. Her hand stroking his cheek. Her touch is mesmerizing, and her kiss debilitating. His heart belongs to her, and he’s filled with unexplainable joy because, at that moment, he knows her heart belongs to him.

Stepping onto the bridge, Chakotay is forced to abandon his thoughts of Kathryn and their first night together. Now he must focus his attention on getting her and Harry back, but as he takes his seat in her chair, he thinks back to their last conversation just before she left.

She had seemed more preoccupied than usual, and he knew it wasn’t about the away mission. It wasn’t her style to sweat the small stuff. She and Harry would be leaving for a couple of days to collect some deuterium in an area the locals called the Bethuri Cluster while _Voyager_ continued repairs. A class fourteen ion storm hit the ship a week ago had given them a real beating, and thankfully when they did run into the local population, they were happy to offer their assistance. The Euh were infants when it came to space travel - only having discovered warp drive ten years ago - but they were determined, and he had no doubt they’d master the art of interstellar travel in no time.

The night before she and Harry were scheduled to depart, Kathryn had skipped dinner and gone to bed early, claiming she wasn’t hungry. If I didn’t know her so well, he might have accepted that excuse. She was famous for skipping meals, but she always ate dinner, even if it was just a cup of soup. He knew she hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch, having been buried in reports for most of the day, then going to help B’Elanna in engineering.

Replicating a cup of vegetable bullion, he brought it to her. She refused to eat it at first, not wanting to give a reason. He practically had to threaten her, which he hated doing to anyone - especially the woman he loved - by saying that he’d check her into sickbay if she didn’t. It made her mad. Well, that’s not true. She was livid. He couldn’t seem to wrap his brain around her behavior, and when she sensed his confusion, calmed down almost immediately, realizing she was overreacting.

Giving him a tired smile, she accepted the soup and ate while he sat on the edge of the bed facing her. After she was finished, he took the cup from her and was just about to stand when she gently grasped his arm. “I’m sorry Chakotay.” She said. “I’ve been on the go since we passed through the ion storm. I didn’t mean to take out my frustrations on you.”

He knew there was more to it than that, but as tired as she looked, he didn’t want to push the issue, so he let it go. “I understand,” he said giving her a weak smile. “Get some sleep.” She kept her hand on his arm, continuing to stare at him. It looked as if she were struggling with something, considering if she wanted to talk about it. “Is there something on your mind?” Her body language was telling him, no, but her eyes were saying yes.

“No. I haven’t seen you today and I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

Smiling, she took the cup from his hand and set it on the nightstand. Scooting closer, she wrapped her arms around him. “Then prove it.” She challenged before kissing him passionately.

How can he say no to this woman? Especially when she’s sitting so close with her arms around him. Their lips touching, her tongue in his mouth. What was he supposed to say, no? Well perhaps he should have said it then, but when she touched him this way his will is somehow stripped away. She knew it and he silently damned her for taking advantage of it.

Now she and Harry were out there, at least he hoped. They could have been too close to the white hole and been destroyed but in his heart, he didn’t believe that. No, he felt they were still alive, possibly injured, but alive. Sinking back into her chair, he stared at the viewscreen, watching as the stars streaked past, hoping against hope they’d find them still in one piece.

***

“Here, bite down on this,” Harry said holding a hypospray with an adhesive gauze pad wrapped around it. “It’ll help since we’re out of pain killers.” 

Bracing herself against the wall, she took it and put it in her mouth. He was right, it would at least keep her from biting her tongue. 

“Ready?” 

She nodded. Taking her arm, he began manipulating the bones, trying his best to fit them together as quickly as possible. Beads of sweat clung to Kathryn’s unusually pale skin as she cried out through the hypospray between her teeth. After several moments it dropped out of her mouth, and Harry could tell she was close to passing out. Checking her arm, he made sure the bones were set before putting the immobilizer in place. 

“It’s over.” He said, making sure she was aware of it just in case she was too out of it to notice.

“Thank you.” She replied wearily, leaning back against the wall.

A couple of hours later she had regained the color in her cheeks. During that time, he had ventured forward, trying to get an idea of how far the tunnel went. To his dismay, it too was blocked by fallen rock. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” She said, giving him a tired smile.

“Good.”

His tone made her realize something was wrong. “What did you find?”

He sighed. “It’s blocked by fallen rock. I’ve managed to move some of it, making a hole big enough for us to crawl through, but with your arm, I don’t think you could climb it.”

“It’s that or stay here. I don’t think we have a choice.”

Nodding he replied. “You’re right, but I think it would be safer if we stayed here until daybreak. We couldn’t find the _Flyer_ in the dark.”

“Agreed.” The buzzing insects remained where they were, hovering over them. “But I don’t know how much longer I can stand those insects. Their relentless buzzing is driving me crazy.”

“Me too.”

Silence passed between them, Harry stared down at her, a question in his young eyes. “Is there something on your mind?”

“No Captain, I was just thinking.” He replied looking away. The buzzing insects were suddenly interesting.

“I may be in pain, but you can’t fool me, Harry. Now, tell me what’s bothering you.”

Looking back at the ground, he didn’t, couldn’t make eye contact. The very nature of the question made him extremely uncomfortable. How do you ask your captain - of all people - if she knows she’s pregnant? He sure as hell didn’t want to be the one to tell her. “I found something when I scanned you earlier that surprised me.” In his peripheral vision, he saw her shift. Was she as uncomfortable as he was?

“I should have realized you knew about my ‘condition’ by now.” She replied. “How do you feel about it?”

 _“She knows.”_ He thought, a little relieved. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. Your life is your business.” He answered simply.

“I know, but I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t interested in your opinion.”

Letting out a sigh he sat on the floor across from her. Shrugging his shoulders, he replied. “I’ve never thought about it.” He fell silent, considering the question. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but ever since we became stranded in the Delta Quadrant, I’ve come to think of you as a second mother.”

She smiled, then reached out to touch his hand. “I’m flattered Harry, really.” He looked up at her and smiled relieved before laying his other hand on top of hers. “Since I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve hoped that if I ever had a son, he would turn out to be like you.”

“Really?” He asked surprised.

Laughing softly her smile widened. “Yes, really.”

“I didn’t know you thought of me that way.”

“You’re a bright, kind, compassionate and caring person who’s not afraid to stand up for what you believe in or take risks. You’re going to make one hell of a captain someday.”

“That means a lot coming from you. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She said and gently squeezed his hand. “Now, I suggest we get some sleep. The morning will be rolling around in a few hours and we need to get back to the _Flyer_.”

“Aye, aye Captain.” He said with a smile, laughing softly.

Standing, he retrieved the backpack and pulled out three blankets. “Since we don’t have anything to start a fire, it would be a good idea for us to sleep together in order to conserve body heat.” Harry stopped mid-motion, causing a laugh to escape her lips. “I don’t bite.”

“I know, it’s just . . .”

“Uncomfortable?” She offered.

“Yes.”

“Now’s not the time to be shy.”

“You’re right.” He agreed, even though he was obviously uncomfortable.

Setting up the pallet next to her, she crawled inside and lay on her right side. Harry crawled in behind her but kept a gap between them. Reaching back with her broken arm, she grasped his and pulled it across her, forcing him to move closer. “I know you’re uncomfortable about this but it’s necessary.”

“I understand.” He replied trying to force himself to relax, then another question popped into his head. “Captain?”

“Yes?”

“I was wondering, does the Commander know you’re pregnant?”

“No Harry he doesn’t. I plan on telling him when we get back to _Voyager_. Now go to sleep, that’s an order.” She added playfully.

“Yes, ma’am.” He replied with a laugh and closed his eyes.

“Oh, and Harry?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“For the duration of this mission, call me Kathryn.”

His eyes popped open, a stunned expression on his face. Feeling him tense up she laughed softly to herself and closed her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

After nearly five days at warp three, _Voyager_ arrived at the Bethuri Cluster. He had tried his best to help B’Elanna get the warp core up, trying to squeeze out just a little more speed, but warp three was all they could get, for now. They had to stop repairs to go after Kathryn and Harry and were lucky to get what they could from _Voyager_.

“Commander,” Tuvok began. “I’m detecting a ship approaching at full impulse.”

“Hail them,” Chakotay ordered standing.

“They are responding, audio-only.”

_“Unidentified vessel, go back where you came from.”_ The obviously male voice warned.

“I can’t do that. Two of my crew were lost out here and we’ll be on our way once we’ve retrieved them.”

_“Was it a shuttlecraft harboring one man and woman?”_

“Yes.”

_“They’re dead.”_

His heart leaped into his throat. “What evidence do you have to support this?”

_“Their shuttle crashed on the fourth planet.”_

Tuvok interrupted. “There are only three planets in this system.”

_“Now.”_

“What do you mean?” Chakotay asked.

_“We pummeled the black hole with seventy apocalypse bombs, creating a white hole to destroy the planet. Your crewmates entered the region before we could warn them away.”_ Chakotay’s legs went out from under him, and he fell back into the chair with a hard thump. _“We are sorry for your loss.”_ But the alien's voice sounded anything but sympathetic.

“Thank you.” He replied, forcing a hard lump down his throat.

“They have terminated the transmission and are holding position fifty meters off our starboard bow,” Tuvok informed.

“Probably waiting to see what we’re going to do,” Chakotay replied.

“Do you want to reverse course?” Tom asked hesitantly.

“No, move us away, let them think we’re leaving.”

A smile spread across his lips. He knew Chakotay wouldn’t just take their word for it. “Yes, sir.”

Slapping his com badge, he said. “Chakotay to Seven.”

_“Yes, Commander.”_

“Report to the astrometrics lab ASAP. I’ll be joining you in a few minutes.”

_“Yes, Commander.”_

“Tuvok, transfer all sensor data to the astrometrics lab. You have the bridge.” He said forcing his legs to support him as he headed for the turbolift.

“Aye, sir.”

***

It had been three weeks since they crashed on this planet, and every night when darkness overcame them, they had to seal themselves in a portion of the cave to keep from being attacked by the planets more dangerous inhabitants. It wasn’t easy. There were many times when they thought the black-winged creatures, along with their corrosive blood, would break through the blockade, but they didn’t.

“Could you hand me the hammer?” Harry asked.

Taking it out of the toolbox she handed it to him. The shelter they were building was nearly complete, and by nightfall, should be finished. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but it was a start. Now all they had to do was take the titanium plating they fabricated and line the outside walls.

“That should do it,” Harry said climbing down the ladder. “Except for the plating that is.”

“Well let’s get it on there. I really don’t feel like spending another night in those caves.”

“Me either. I’ve had about all I can stand.” He agreed. “How’s your arm feel?”

“Pretty good, I’m glad to be rid of the immobilizer.”

“I suggest you go easy on it anyway. The bones may be healed, but they’re still not at one-hundred percent.”

“Yes, sir.” She said with a smile.

He sighed, then a smile crept onto his lips, tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I know I’m being a little protective, but someone’s got to look out for you.” He teased.

She glared at him, and it only made his smile widen. “Stow its Ensign.”

He laughed and picked up the first plate. It took them a little over four hours to put them up, and they were cutting it close before night once again bathed the planet.

The one thing - besides the winged creatures - that disturbed them the most was the absence of a moon and stars. When night descended it was pitch black outside, and the range of a wrist beacon seemed to diminish.

As the days turned into weeks, the hope of _Voyager_ coming to their rescue grew dimmer each day. Perhaps _Voyager_ had given them up for dead and moved on. If not, then why hadn’t they heard from them?

Kathryn began to regret not telling Chakotay she was pregnant, and the only reason she hadn’t was simple. He would have tried to stop her from going on this mission. The decision was hers, but since she was carrying his child, he had a right to ask her not to go. Now he would probably never know, and that depressed her. Then there was Harry. He would probably never see his family again, and that bothered the hell out of her. He was too young to experience this kind of loss. At least when they were on _Voyager_ there was the chance of making it home, but here it was an entirely different animal.

She had already been through this once with Chakotay five years ago, but this time she wasn’t stranded on this planet because of a disease. No, she was stranded here due to a shuttle crash.

The _Flyer_ couldn’t be repaired, lacking most of the materials to get her working again. So, they took everything they could use or salvage and moved it into the shelter which consisted of one large room and a rather primitive bathroom, but it would do for now. Comfort wasn’t a luxury they couldn’t afford, survival was, and that’s exactly what they were doing. Thankfully, the replicator could be salvaged along with a power source or their precarious situation could have been a lot worse. The power wouldn’t last too much longer, they would have to find a better food source soon.

That night, Harry replicated their dinner. It was an oriental dish his mother had made for him when he was a child, which consisted of steamed rice, beef, and various vegetables. It was delicious. Now that she was eating for two, she ate more than she would under normal circumstances.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Harry said picking up their dishes.

Leaning back in her chair, she replied. “My compliments to your mother for showing you how to make it.”

“If she were here, she’d be pleased to hear you say that.” Recycling the dishes, he retook his set across from her. A few moments of silence passed between them before he spoke again. “So, what would you like to do to pass the time? Cards maybe?”

“Sounds good to me. What kind of card game did you have in mind?”

“Gin?” He offered.

“All right, you get the cards and I’ll get a padd so we can take score.”

***

Entering astrometrics, Chakotay headed for Seven. “Your request for me to meet you here sounded urgent.” She said.

“It was. The captain and Ensign Kim are missing.” She raised an eyebrow. “We’ve arrived at their last known coordinates, but there is a ship off our starboard bow preventing us from entering the system. They claim that their shuttle crashed, and they were killed after the white hole destroyed the planet. I want you to run scans of the region looking for any evidence to support their claim.”

“Yes, Commander.” She replied before turning away from him to access the console behind her.

“Let me know the minute you learn something.”

“Of course.”

***

Making his way to engineering, he wanted to know how much time B’Elanna would need to get everything back up and running. At this point, he didn’t have time to wait for her to get the ship running at peak efficiency. All he needed now was warp, weapons, shields, and transporters.

Reaching the door, it opened to reveal a flurry of activity. People were moving from one station to another. Comparing readings, running diagnostics, running tools and equipment. Scanning the room with his eyes, he searched for B’Elanna and didn’t see her. Then he heard her shouting orders from the upper workstation.

“Tyler get that resonance coil down to phaser maintenance! Roberts, I need that relay node!”

“B’Elanna!” Chakotay shouted getting her attention.

Looking over at him, she headed for the lift. “I’m a little busy right now Chakotay.” She said handing a data padd to one of her staff on her way over to him.

“I know. How long before we get the basics back online?”

“Another five hours, maybe six.”

“Are you sure you can’t speed that up?”

Stopping, she turned to face him. “Look, I know how anxious you are to resume the search, and I’m doing everything I can. You’re just going to have to be patient.” She replied agitated.

Bowing his head, he took a much-needed cleansing breath. “You’re right, I know you’re doing what you can. I just hate all this waiting. I need to know they’re all right.”

Her voice became softer, laying a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll find them Chakotay, don’t worry. I’m sure they’re fine.”

“I hope so.” He replied so softly it sounded like a prayer.

“Go get some rest. I’ll let you know the moment we’re ready to go.” She looked him in the eyes, searching for his answer. With a slight nod, he gave her a reassuring wink. Turning, he left engineering without another word.

***

“Gin!” Harry said with a smile, laying his cards on the table to prove it.

“That’s the fourth hand in a row you’ve won,” Kathryn said entering his score into the padd. “If I hadn’t dealt the last two hands, I’d swear you were cheating.” She teased, a smile on her lips.

“It’s the luck of the draw. What can I say?” He replied shrugging his shoulders, loving every minute of it.

“Next time we’re playing spades, I’m better at that game.”

“Don’t tell me you’re a sore loser?” He said good-naturedly, his smile widening.

Just as she was about to respond, the sound of a weapon discharge pierced the night, followed by a high pitched shrill. It wasn’t hard to recognize the shriek; they had heard it from several of the winged creatures when the tunnel they were in three weeks ago collapsed.

Harry stood up and retrieved a wrist beacon, phaser, and tricorder from the shelf. He knew the creatures wouldn’t show up on a scan, but whoever was firing at them might. Snapping the beacon to his wrist, he turned it on before opening the door to scan. Whomever it was, was humanoid, and in a way he was relieved. On the other hand, he had no reason to believe they would be treated any differently from the creature it fired upon.

“What is it?” Kathryn asked whispering.

“Humanoid.” Was all he would explain. “Turn out the lights.” He asked, heading toward the closest lamp. Without questioning him further, she did as requested. Using the tricorder, he scattered their patterns so they wouldn’t be detected. Whoever this alien was, he wasn’t alone. Three more of them came into scanning range, all carrying weapons more deadly than the first. “Kathryn?” He called softly into the pitch-dark room.

“I’m here.” She whispered back. “Where are you?”

“Right here.” He replied and held out his hand so she could see the flashing lights of the tricorder to use them like a beacon. He had disabled the sound.

Taking her wrist, he led her around to his right side, putting himself between her and the door. If those aliens happened to stumble across them, he wanted to be ready.

After several minutes they moved out of range, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief before snapping on the wrist beacon.

“What was that about?” Kathryn asked standing.

“What do you mean?” He replied moving to turn on the lamp.

“The aliens, they may have been able to help us.”

“I don’t think so.” He said taking off his wrist beacon.

Kathryn put her hands on her hip, looking a little confused and extremely annoyed. “I need a better explanation than that Harry.”

“All right.” He took a seat at the table. “While I was going over the sensor logs this afternoon, I discovered that it wasn’t a gravimetric surge that caused us to crash.”

“Then what was it?” She asked joining him at the table.

“Those aliens out there use a type of neutron weapon that matches the one that hit us.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” She asked, her annoyance quickly approaching anger.

“Kathryn, you know as well as I do that there are many sources a neutron pulse can come from.”

“Yes.” She replied in agreement.

“Well until I scanned our ‘friends’ out there I didn’t know it came from them.”

Her anger was beginning to dissipate. “That would stand to reason.” She sighed. “I’m sorry for losing my temper. I’ve just been a little moody lately.”

“Accepted.” He smiled, making her smile back. “I understand that most women who are pregnant tend to be prone to mood swings.”

She laughed. “And as time goes on, I suspect they’ll get worse before they get better.”

“Probably.”

“Do you think you can put up with me for that long?” She joked.

Now he laughed. “Do I have a choice?”

“I suppose you could move out and into one of the caves.” She teased.

Placing a hand to his chin, he appeared to look thoughtful. “Hmm. Stay here where I have a nice warm bed, food to eat, and tools at my disposal, or go to the caves where it’s cold, nothing to eat, and having to defend myself against the local population?” Dropping his hand, he continued. “I think I’ll stay here.” Then smiled.

Her smile widened. “Probably a good idea.”

“Probably.”

“Well, I suggest we get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He said jokingly and stood up. “Goodnight Kathryn. See you in the morning.”

“Pleasant dreams Harry.”

“You too.” Then headed for his bed.

Tomorrow they would have to make another food run. Their supply of rations was nearly depleted, and they hadn’t found another energy source for the replicator. They had been expanding their search pattern daily, and all to no avail. What surrounded them was mostly desert, but there had to be something editable around here somewhere. Water, fortunately, wasn’t a problem. It seemed to be everywhere, considering that it rained practicality every night.

Standing, she moved away from the table and toward the comfort of her bed which was next to Harry’s. Tomorrow was a new day, she’d worry about it then, right now she needed to sleep. Turning out the light, she crawled under the blanket.


	4. Chapter 4

**Nine Weeks Later . . .**

It seemed clear - at least to them - that _Voyager_ had given them up for dead. What bothered Kathryn the most was that Chakotay would never know or see their child, and she was sure the Doctor had told him she was pregnant by now.

Harry had been extremely tolerant and understanding of her mood swings. She was nearly four months pregnant, and the only physical changes seemed noticeable only to herself. Her stomach had a slight bulge to it, not to mention her breasts - which were becoming increasingly sensitive - but the others were internal.

Morning sickness was becoming more frequent, not to mention how tired she was. Every day around thirteen hundred she would return to the shelter to take a two-hour nap, then she’d be all right again until evening rolled around.

She and Harry had been able to add two more rooms to the shelter, not noticeably big, just large enough to fit a bed and a few other things. She was still five months away from giving birth, but it didn’t stop Harry from expanding onto her bedroom, trying to make it large enough to accommodate a baby crib. He wasn’t as talented as Chakotay when it came to carpentry, but it was lovely none the less. She adored the crib, only because Harry had built it for her.

Sitting in a chair under the tarp they’d stretched out in front of the shelter, she and Harry sat drinking ice water. It was hot, mostly because of the humidity. It was such a harsh planet. During the day they’d nearly pass out from the heat and at night almost freeze to death.

Looking over at her, she was leaning back in the lawn chair with her eyes closed. “Kathryn, are you awake?” He asked softly. If she were indeed asleep, he didn’t want to wake her.

Eyes closed she replied. “No, just a little tired.”

“Oh.”

Opening her eyes, she turned her head to look at him. “I can tell by your tone there’s something on your mind.”

“I can’t put anything past you.” He smiled.

“That’s right. Now spill it.”

He sighed, not sure how to begin. He had been thinking about it for the last few weeks but had been reluctant to say anything. “I’ve been thinking . . .”

When he didn’t continue, she asked. “About what?”

“About you and Commander Chakotay.”

Now she looked a little confused. “What about us?”

He hesitated, deciding he didn’t want to go any further. “Nothing . . . never mind.” Then stood up and walked away.

“Harry.” She called sitting up, but he kept walking.

“I’ve got work to do.” Was all he said before picking up a bucket. She guessed he was going to go pick more of the fruit they’d found yesterday.

Leaning back with a puzzled expression, she wondered what he was trying to ask. It wasn’t as if she and Chakotay’s relationship were a secret, in fact, he insisted on it. If they were going to peruse this, he’d be damned if he were going to hide it.

For almost an hour the thought kept gnawing at her, and to find out what he wanted to know, she’d have to wait until he got back.

***

The moment he entered their quarters, Chakotay headed straight for the bedroom. Kathryn’s nightgown was still laying at the foot of the bed. Reaching down, he picked it up, and the thought she could be dead crept into his thoughts, making him drop it as if it were on fire. _“Stop it old man, she’s not dead, you have to believe that.”_ He told himself.

Looking down at the bed itself, he knew there was no way in hell he was going to sleep, not until he had Kathryn and Harry back safe and sound. Looking out the viewport, he thought back to what she said two days ago. _“When I get back, we’ll talk, I promise.”_

She had been distracted lately, and downright moody. Well, moody wouldn’t be an accurate description, emotional would be a better one. There were several instances over the last couple of weeks when he thought she was going to hit him in a fit of rage, or so it seemed to him. No matter what he did, what he said, it could cause her to fly off the handle. Hell, sometimes it was just his presence that was required.

Every time he tried to get her to talk to him, tell him what was wrong, she’d find some excuse to start an argument. Even the fact he was concerned about her behavior was reason enough to get her going into another tirade. So, he tried to stay out of her way when he saw that glint of steel in her eye.

Then there were the moments between the fits of anger that she seemed to need him to hold her, make love to her, tell her how much she meant to him. He couldn’t figure her out. She’d kept him so off-balance he didn’t have time to contemplate what was happening. Now he had plenty of time.

There wasn’t a damn thing he could do until B’Elanna got everything back up and running. If they tried to force their way past the alien ship now, _Voyager_ would be crippled, if not destroyed. He hated this, it reminded him too much of his days as a maquis. Using ships that belonged in a scrapyard. Having to play the waiting game because his ship couldn’t stand up to more advanced ships. Wondering at times if he and his crew would make it to the next planet, let alone the next star system. Thankfully, those days were behind him.

If _Voyager_ hadn’t of been pulled into the Delta Quadrant along with his, he and his fellow comrades in arms would be settled on the first habitual planet they came across. He never would have met Kathryn, much less fall in love with her. He never would have gotten to know Harry or any of the Starfleet crew he’d become friends with over the years. No, his life would have been much different.

“Commander?” The Doctor questioned touching his shoulder.

Chakotay spun around, drawing back his fist in surprise until he noticed who it was. “Doctor.” He said relieved. Then wondered how he managed to enter without him hearing.

The Doctor recognized his look of confusion and answered before he had a chance to ask. “When you didn’t answer the door chime, I used my override code. I thought something may be wrong. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” He said waving him off. “What can I do for you?”

“Actually, I was hoping to speak with you about the captain.”

“What about her?”

The Doctor eyed his curious, if not annoyed expression. “Perhaps this isn’t a good time. I’ll come-”

“Oh no, you don’t,” Chakotay replied cutting him off. “You can’t just waltz in here and say that then waltz back out again. If there’s something about Kathryn I need to know then tell me.”

“All right, but I suggest we sit down first.”

There was an air to his tone that told him - whatever it was - was big. Nodding, he followed him into the living room and sat in Kathryn’s chair while the Doctor sat on the sofa. “Now,” He began. “What’s wrong with her?”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, a little taken back by his directness. “Nothing.”

“You call her recent mood swings nothing?” He replied in disbelief. “I can’t be the only one who’s noticed.”

“I take it she hasn’t told you.”

“Told me what?” He asked frustrated. “If you know something-”

“Take it, easy Commander.” The Doctor replied raising his hands, a defensive gesture.

Taking a breath, he forced himself to calm down. “I’m sorry Doctor. Now, what hasn’t she told me?”

“A couple of weeks ago I managed to corner the captain in her ready room after she’d been avoiding her yearly physical. She’d gone to great lengths-”

“Just get to the point.” He looked unsure of how to proceed. The silence was almost enough to make Chakotay want to reach out and grab the EMH by the collar, and he might have done just that if he hadn’t spoken when he did. “There is no easy way to say this, but the captain…she’s,” then finally spat out, “pregnant.”

“What did you say? Because it sounded like you just said-”

“Pregnant, yes Commander, a little over a month.”

He was floored. “No wonder she’s been so moody. I should have figured it out, made the connection somehow.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m a Doctor and I didn’t make the connection either.”

“No offense, but you don’t know her as I do. It was as if she changed over-” He cut himself off and stared blankly at the wall.

“Commander?” The Doctor called, concerned by his sudden change.

“Sex!” He exclaimed.

“I beg your pardon?” The Doctor stared at him as if he’d just grown wings and announced he was flying to the moon.

Looking embarrassed he warned. “If you repeat this to anyone, I’ll-”

“Delete my program.” He replied waving a hand. “That seems to be a running theme. You’d think by now someone would have come up with something a little more original.”

He had to smile at that. “Kathryn and I had just - you know. . .”

“I think I have a general idea.”

“Afterward she laid her head on my shoulder as we held each other. I’m a light sleeper and when she moves away from me during the night it wakes me up, but usually, I’ll go right back to sleep. When she goes to the ‘fresher in the night it doesn’t take long. That night she closed the door. Then after a few minutes, I hear what sounds like a tricorder. I don’t know why I didn’t go find out what was going on. Then maybe another ten minutes pass before she comes back to bed.

“She suspected she was pregnant and didn’t know for sure until she scanned herself. But what I don’t understand is why she didn’t say anything? Why didn’t she feel she could tell me?” He asked hoping that perhaps he might know the answer.

“When I made the discovery and asked how long she’d known, she wasn’t exactly forthcoming, but after talking with her I got the impression she was afraid to tell you.”

“I don’t understand why she would be?”

“I hate to bring this up, but I believe it stems from the incident between you and Seska five years ago.”

He didn’t see the connection. “Explain to me why you think this has anything to do with Seska like I’m a three-year-old.”

“All right.” He replied pausing for a moment, considering how to explain his suspicion. “To put it simply, she used you. Took your DNA to impregnate herself, then used the child to manipulate you knowing how you’d react if you thought your child was in danger.”

“What does that have to do with Kathryn?”

“Think about it Commander, your relationship with the captain is only a couple of months old, and for her to become pregnant so soon might send the wrong message.”

“And what message is that?”

“That she’s trying to trap you, manipulate you.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Chakotay replied with a dry laugh. “I’ve been in love with her for years, she knows that.”

“I don’t doubt it, but you can’t deny what I’ve said with absolute certainty, can you? Have the two of you discussed having children?”

Despite how easy it was to dismiss the thought it would be foolish of him to deny the possibility. “Why would we? We’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of months.”

“Perhaps now you see my point. Since you haven’t discussed it, how is she supposed to know your feelings on the matter?”

“I understand what you’re getting at.” He replied, nodding in thought.

“I’m not saying the incident with Seska is the reason why she didn’t tell you, but I’m sure it crossed her mind.” The Doctor stared at him as Chakotay’s eyes seemed to be trained on the floor, not really seeing it. Without another word, he stood up and left, leaving him alone to think.

***

Three and a half hours later Harry returned with a full bucket of fruit, but it wasn’t the same kind they found yesterday. Setting it on the table he said. “While I was on my way to the grove, I decided to head past it to see if there was something we missed yesterday. Just twenty meters further I found these growing amongst a group of tall trees. I almost didn’t see it at first.” One by one, he used the sonic scrubber on them as Kathryn took a seat at the table.

“Why didn’t you finish the question you wanted to ask?”

He stopped but didn’t look at her. “Because I realized it wasn’t any of my business.”

She nodded. “Harry, we’re going to be on this planet for a long time, perhaps the rest of our lives. If there’s something on your mind, then tell me. We can’t function as a team if you’re distracted. Besides, in the next few months, I’m going to need your help more than I ever have, especially once the baby’s born.” He stood staring down at the bucket of fruit, looking to be thinking it over. Reaching out, she gently laid her hand on his arm. Turning his head, he could see the concern on her face, but there was also something else, fear. This was hardly the place to raise a child, and he would take on the role of a father figure, this he knew.

As the days passed, he began seeing her differently. On _Voyager_ she was his captain, she projected everything he’d come to expect in a leader, embodying the principles and ideals of the Federation. Showing the crew only two carefully constructed sides of herself. The captain, and in later months, a friend.

She’d made herself available to anyone who needed to talk. To express their fears and concerns, making her seem in his eyes, more of a mother figure. Now they were stuck on this peculiar planet with its winged creatures and violent hunters. Every day was a test of survival, and every night he’d thank God for allowing them to make it through another day. And yet, he continued to awake each morning with a sense of foreboding. He hated that feeling more than anything.

Now, here he was, stuck in this place with a woman he’d grown to care for deeply. It didn’t matter that she was fifteen years his senior, age never bothered him, but what did was the _way_ he began to see her. As each day passed, the mother figure he’d once regarded her as was becoming more and more distant.

Up until six weeks ago, he had no trouble ignoring it, dismissing the thought. Besides, there were more important things at stake, their survival for one. Shelter, food, water, medicine; and now that those things had been attained his mind kept drifting back to his changing feelings. Then six weeks ago he had a dream about her, and the nature of it disturbed him. Partly because of how real it felt, and how his body reacted to it.

In the dream he was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, which was difficult because of how cold the night was. It was always cold once the sun went down. He laid there shivering, trying to force himself to stop when he heard Kathryn get up. “Harry? Are you asleep?” She asked through chattering teeth.

“No,” He replied rolling onto his back to face her. “It’s too cold.”

“Then would you be opposed to the suggestion that we share a bed and blankets tonight?”

“No,” he said, and when he woke up later remembering how easily the word rolled from his lips, he was ashamed of himself. She crawled into bed with him and he took the blanket to cover her up before taking hers and laying it over them as well.

Laying back down, it seemed natural - in his dream - to take her in his arms and hold her. If they hadn’t been forced to sleep together in the cave that first night, he didn’t think that detail would have been so vivid. He could remember exactly how she felt, soft, but firm in all the right places.

She lay with her back against his chest, his arm wrapped around her, holding her until she stopped shivering. Then when it ceased, he pulled back his hand and began stroking her arm before moving up to her shoulder. She lay there stiffly as he pulled the hair away from her neck. Moving closer, he began stroking her arm again as he began to slowly kiss her neck. She gasped in surprise and sat up. Facing him, she asked what he thought he was doing. He told her he wanted to know what it was like to touch her, to kiss her. If it hadn’t of been a dream, he never would have done or said anything like that.

Now if this had really happened, she never would have done what she did next. Without a word, she leaned forward and cupped his cheek before kissing him softly on the lips, and his body tingled. At that moment, he wanted her more than any woman he’d ever been with. Besides, he was sure there were a few things she’d learned over the years. The thought of being with an older woman has always excited him, but until then he never thought of her that way.

Moving closer he wrapped his arm around her waist and returned the kiss, she accepts it. He wants to touch her, stroke her body. Pulling back, he laid her down gently. Leaning over her he caresses her cheek, before letting his fingers slide lightly down her neck. She closes her eyes and leans her head back, baring her neck to him as a soft sigh escapes her lips.

Closing the distance, he kisses her neck, his hand stroking her arm. She grips his head, running her fingers through his hair as soft gasps and sighs continue to escape her lips. He couldn’t help but be aroused by this, his body wanting to make contact. He fondled her breast through the fabric of her nightgown, needing to know how far she’s willing to allow him to go, and when she moans in pleasure he goes further.

Sliding down her body, he gently nudges her legs apart, wanting to pleasure her with his mouth. She doesn’t resist, so he lifts the hem of her gown and pulls off her panties very slowly, leaving a trail of kisses on the inside of her thighs. Tossing them aside he moves between her legs and immediately takes her into his mouth, flicking his tongue rapidly across the surface.

She moans, rocking her hips as he drapes her legs over his shoulders, gripping her thighs to hold her in place to prevent from breaking contact. He knows she’s almost ready to crash over the edge, and for some reason unknown to him he can sense it, so he pulls away.

“Harry.” She calls, her hands clawing at his shirt, trying to pull him up. He obeys, and she kisses him hard, her tongue forcing its way into his mouth. He couldn’t help his excitement; she tastes herself on his lips. Breaking contact she whispers, “Make love to me.” Pulling down his bottoms he moves on top of her.

Sliding inside her, he couldn’t help but be astounded by how good she feels. Wrapping her legs around him, she urges him to move as she holds him to her. It isn’t long before she finds release, the vaginal muscles clenching him so hard it’s almost impossible for him to stay inside her. She cries out in pleasure, tossing her head back as her body pushes upward. He couldn’t hold back any longer and comes inside her, crying out his release into her neck. It was the moment he woke up.

He must have shouted because she awoke with a start before climbing out of bed. Making her way to him, she sat down on the bed and took him by the arm, asking him if he was all right. All he could manage was a yes as he waited for his mind to clear. He was covered in sweat, and it didn’t take long before he realized that his underwear was sticky. If his face wasn’t already flushed, she might have picked up on his embarrassment. He couldn’t look her in the eyes, and it was enough to tell her that something was wrong. 

“Harry.” She says, brushing the sweat-soaked hair away from his face. “Were you having a bad dream?” 

It was more confusing than anything. Now he wasn’t sure, so he just nodded, it was easier that way.

Ever since that night, he’d been uncomfortable, unsure of what he was feeling. Then for the first time since then, he looked her in the eyes, seeing the concern and fear reflected at him. “I’ll be here for you and the baby Kathryn, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried, but I am concerned about you. For the last six weeks, you’ve seemed uncomfortable around me. If I’ve said or done anything to make you-”

“You haven’t.” He cut her off, looking away.

“If that were true you wouldn’t be acting like this. We’ve known each other for almost eight years, and in all that time you’ve never behaved like this.” Reaching up, she took his chin and turned his face toward her. Looking him in the eye she continued. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Is that an order?”

She sighed exasperated. Releasing his chin, she stood up. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this place isn’t exactly a haven. We have no choice but to depend on each other. We can’t afford to have doubts or bad feelings between us. Now I’m asking you, as your friend, let me help you.”

He knew she was right, they had to work together, or this place could destroy them. Closing his eyes all his doubts, fears, and uncertainties flooded his mind. But what she wanted to know could very well do the same thing. It was a catch twenty-two. _“Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”_ He thought. “All right you win.” He said then opened his eyes to look at her. “I don’t know how I feel about you.”

She looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean just that. Before we came to this place, I never questioned my feelings. To me you had become a second mother, and now that we’re probably going to be stuck here for the rest of our lives . . .” He trailed off, feeling that he’d already said too much.

Now, for the first time, she understood. “What you’re trying to say is that you’re beginning to see me as a woman, not as a mother figure, correct?” He nodded. Turning away, she put a hand over her mouth in thought. “Dei ja vue.” She whispered after several seconds.

“Kathryn?” He questioned.

Turning back to face him she replied. “I had a similar conversation with Chakotay years ago.”

“When you were on that planet for three months?”

“Yes. Yesterday you began to ask me about him and me. Was it about our time there?” He nodded. “What did you want to know?” She asked retaking her seat at the table and indicated for him to do the same, he did.

“I didn’t notice it at first when the two of you came back to the ship, but when the excitement wore off, I began to notice a certain level of tension between you. Did something happen while you were there?” He knew they were together, had been before they crashed here. He couldn’t understand why he felt so jealous of their relationship. Was he jealous of Chakotay, or was it just the fact that he had someone to love?

“If you’re wondering whether or not we had a romantic relationship the answer is no. All though he was interested in perusing one.”

“How did you know?” He asked then immediately thought. _“That was a stupid question.”_

She smiled. “He told me how he felt in so many words, but it wasn’t until we’d been there for a little over a month that he said anything.”

“I know this is none of my business, and you don’t have to answer, but why didn’t you? Why wait five years?”

It was an honest question. “Well for one thing I was still in love with another man.”

“Your fiancée.”

“Right.” She confirmed. “And it wasn’t as if we couldn’t leave if I were able to find a cure. We had a fully operational shuttle at our disposal if it ever became possible. But as fate would have it, the equipment I needed for my research had been destroyed in a plasma storm.” She looked a little uncomfortable discussing this, but she felt it needed to be done if she were going to get Harry to open to her. “And to answer your second question, I waited for five years because I didn’t want to lose my objectivity. The welfare of everyone on board was at stake, and if I had allowed myself to indulge those feelings, I felt the ship and crew would suffer as a result.”

“But you did have feelings for him, even then.”

“I was attracted to him, but love? Not then, in time I grew to love him . . . very much.” She had a thoughtful look in her eyes. Where there tears in them? Before he could tell for sure she blinked them away. “Is there anything else you want to ask me?” He shook his head. “Then perhaps you can answer a few questions for me.”

“I can try.” He replied not quite sure he wanted to do this anymore.

“I don’t want to make you feel any more uncomfortable than you already do, I just want to help you make sense of what you’re feeling. I’m your friend and I care about you, always remember that.”

“I will.” He replied. 

“When did you begin to see me differently? Do you remember?”

“Yes . . . it started three weeks after we got here.”

“Have you considered that the reason why your feelings changed was that you began to believe _Voyager_ wasn’t coming for us? That the only companionship you would have would be me and the baby?”

“I did think that, but what about the dream-” he cut himself off looking horrified.

Kathryn studied him curiously. “What dream?” Silence was his response. “Harry, I can’t help if you won’t talk to me.” Bowing his head, he looked like a scared little boy. Placing a hand over his she said softly. “There’s nothing you can say that will change my opinion of you.” Lifting his head, he looked into her eyes, wanting to believe her. Just the thought of the dream made his cheeks flush, and she picked up on it. “It’s embarrassing, isn’t it? That’s why you don’t want to tell me.”

“That and the nature of it.” He conceded. Closing his eyes, he continued before he lost his nerve. “We had sex.” He blurted out and stood up, nearly running for the door.

She was caught so off guard by his directness that she didn’t try to stop him from leaving. After a few moments, she stood up and went outside. He was sitting on the ground, his face in his hands. Cautiously she approached before kneeling beside him. She’d purposely made enough noise to let him know she was there.

“Prior to the dream, I’d been wondering what it would be like to kiss you, touch you. I’d been thinking about it so much that I guess my mind decided to play it out. But what’s so confusing is how real it felt, as if it were happening. I even-” He stopped cold.

“Had an orgasm.” She finished for him.

He nodded, still unable to look at her. Gently she placed her hand on his back and he tensed up. “It’s all right Harry. If it’s any comfort I’ve had similar thoughts about you.”

His head shot up. “I find that hard to believe.” He replied staring at her.

She laughed. “I may have been your captain but I’m not dead. I have certain needs and desires just like any other woman. We all fantasize every now and then, it allows us to consider new possibilities without having to take any risks. Besides, you’re a handsome young man. I’m sure many women have fantasized about you.”

He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation, especially with his former captain. He smiled despite himself and said. “Well you’re an attractive woman, and I know of several men who’ve fantasized about you, the commander, and myself excluded.”

“Oh?” She questioned raising an eyebrow. He smiled a wide smile, letting her wonder if he would reply as he stood up. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?” She asked. He laughed then headed back to the house. Her curiosity piqued, she stood up and followed.


	5. Chapter 5

Stepping into astrometrics, Chakotay headed for Seven. “What did you find?”

Tapping the console, a grid map appeared on the viewscreen. “According to my scans of the region, there is no evidence of debris.”

“So, what happened to it? A planet doesn’t just disappear into thin air.”

“Agreed.” She taps the console again, and another image appears.

Studying it he asks. “What’s that white spot? It looks like some sort of portal.”

“It’s a tear in subspace. Based on my research it appears that someone used several modified neutronic missiles to create a white hole. Once that was accomplished, they redirected a portion of the energy to push the planet into subspace.”

He was stunned. “For what purpose?”

“I do not know. Perhaps we will discover the reason once we reach the coordinates.”

“Good work Seven, keep me informed.” He said heading out. Seven’s voice stopped him.

“Commander.”

“Was there something else?”

She approached him with a pensive expression and replied. “I believe it’s important for you to know that entering a subspace rupture is not without its share of abnormalities.”

“What do you mean?”

“As a drone, I was aware of several experiments that were conducted over the centuries by several races that attempted to use a subspace rupture in this fashion.”

“What was the result?”

“It varies, but I only know of one race who attempted to push an object this large into a rupture, the result wasn’t quite what they expected.”

“What happened?” He asked, his heart leaping in this throat.

“A time differential.”

“How big a differential?”

“Weeks, months, even years. There’s no way of knowing until someone enters the rupture.”

“It’s been more than two days already. I’m sure they think we’ve moved on by now.”

“That is if they're still alive.” She added a note of sadness in her tone. It didn’t please her to point that out.

“I prefer to think they’re still alive.”

“As do I, Commander.”

He nodded. “Keep me posted, I’ll be in engineering.”

“Understood.”

***

The first thing he did upon entering engineering was firmly grasped B’Elanna by the arm and led her into a corner, which really upset her because she was in the middle of a sentence at the time. “What the hell is the matter with you?!”

She began but he ignored the question, he had more important things on his mind. “How close are you to finishing the repairs?”

She could tell by his tone there was something wrong, she’d known him too many years in order not to notice. “Another seventeen hours.”

“What happened to six?!”

“I was just about to leave to tell you when you barged into the room and dragged me over here. There are microfractures along the hull. We can’t go to warp until they repaired.”

He turned around and threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Great! Just great!”

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” She asked.

Turning back around, he took her arm again and led her away from her staff's startled expressions. “I just got a rather disturbing report from Seven. Apparently, the planet has been pushed into a subspace rupture.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “How is that possible?”

“That’s the least of our worries. Apparently, this process causes a time differential. Weeks, months, or years could be passing by Seven’s previous experience.”

Now she understood his impatience. Both Harry and the captain probably think they’d given up on them and moved on. But there was something else he wasn’t telling her; she could see it in his eyes. “There’s something else isn’t there?”

He nodded, then leaned in and began to speak softly. “The Doctor came to see me a few hours ago.”

“What did he want?”

“He told me that Kathryn’s pregnant.”

She appeared shocked by the news then asked. “How far along is she?”

“About a month.”

“No wonder you’re so anxious to get them back.”

“For all I know she could have given birth already.” He sighed. “I need to know they’re all right, that our baby is alright.”

She laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll see what I can do to speed things up.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

***

Over the next four months, Harry finally understood his feelings. He couldn’t go back to thinking of her as the mother figure he once had, too much had changed. He wasn’t in love with her, but he cared for her deeply. They had grown extremely close, looking out for each other, and in one more month the three of them.

Taking her by the hand he led her into her bedroom. “No peeking.”

“I won’t. I promised not to look, didn’t I?” She said annoyed.

He laughed softly. Opening the door, he took both her hands, leading her into the room. Letting go, he turned her in the right direction. “All right, you can open them.”

Slowly they opened, and before her sat a rocking chair. She smiled, reaching out to touch his arm. “Oh, Harry.” She said softly before placing a hand over her mouth.

He noticed as her pregnancy progressed, she became more emotional, if that was at all possible. “You’re not going to cry, are you? If I thought this would make you cry, I would never have shown it to you.” He teased, a smile on his lips.

Turning her head, she looked at him, squeezing his arm gently. “You know I can’t help it.”

“I know.”

She smiled. “It’s beautiful Harry, thank you.”

“I’m glad you like it.” He replied, watching as she reached out to touch it, examining his work. “I have to say your carpentry skills have improved. Chakotay would be-” She stopped herself short and turned away from him, both hands gripping the back of the chair as he heard her take in a sharp breath.

Moving to her, he laid a hand on her shoulder, but she resists his compassion, just as she always did. He knew how much she hated breaking down in front of him, unable to stop herself. Taking her by the arm, he gently turns her toward him. “It’s all right Kathryn, let me hold you.” He encouraged and embraced her. After a couple of seconds, she hugs him back, crying against his shoulder. Stroking her hair - that was now past her shoulders - he rubs her back. “I know how much you miss him. How much you’ve wanted him to share this with you, to be here when your baby’s born. I know Kathryn, I know.” He says softly. He hated seeing her like this, and lately, all it took was the mention of his name, and she’d fall to pieces. It wasn’t just his absence that upset her, part of it was stress. Without access to a Doctor or proper medical equipment, she worried about the baby. Hell, she didn’t even know if it was a boy or girl, the only tricorder they had left stopped working nearly a week ago, and part of her didn’t want to know.

Five tricorders, and all of them useless. Eventually, they figured out what it was. The rift their humanoid visitors used was charging the atmosphere. Eventually, it would reach a point that when they dared use one, the atmospheric charge would short it out. The only way they could detect it was with a tricorder, and by then it was too late.

So, they had to resort to more primitive means when it came to giving her a checkup, that, and a lot of praying on his part. He didn’t know what he’d do if she lost the baby. In a way, he felt this child belonged to him as well, and he didn’t even want to think about how she’d react, all though he already knew. This child was the only part of him she had left, and to lose it would kill her. She’d never be the same again.

She needed him to be here, if he were, she wouldn’t be so depressed most of the time. Oh, she tried to hide it, but the one thing he’d gained from their time here was getting to know her so well, as she did him.

Pulling away, he keeps a hold of her arm, knowing her reaction too well. Turning her tear-stained face toward him he says. “Don’t walk away from me Kathryn. I’m your friend and I care about you. Was it you that told me months ago how we needed to help each other or was it someone who looked like you?” Then he smiled, and despite her best efforts, made her smile in return.

Pulling away she said. “Sometimes you infuriate the hell out of me.”

“I know, but if I wasn’t around to infuriate you who would?” He joked, making her laugh. “Why don’t I fill the tub so you can take a bath. I know how much you enjoy it; you can’t fool me. Well not as much as you used to anyway. So, what do you say? It’ll make you feel better.”

Wiping her eyes, she pretended to be annoyed. “Oh, all right, just get out of here.” With a smile he obeyed.

**One Month Later . . .**

“Harry!” She called from her bedroom.

Setting down their plates on the table he headed toward her room. Standing in the doorway, he had to suppress his laughter. Since their beds were handmade, the filling he stuffed the mattresses with was soft. So, when you laid down you would literally sink. He had no problem getting off the bed, but she did. So, he’d gone out to gather more of the soft green filling to make her mattress firmer, but if she’d been tossing and turning the stuffing would shift and she’d sink into a portion of the mattress.

Seeing him standing in the doorway she said. “I can’t get up. Would you help me?”

Walking up to the bed he smiled. “What will you give me if I do?”

“My eternal gratitude?” She replied, knowing he was teasing her.

“I already have that you said it two weeks ago.”

“How about a swift kick in the butt instead?”

“Sweet talk will get you nowhere madam.”

“Harry.” She warned.

“All right, assume the position.” This meant holding her arms up so he could hook his arms under hers. Then she’d wrap her arms around his neck so he could lift her to a sitting position. “What do you have under your shirt, a watermelon?” He joked.

“No comments from the peanut gallery.” She replied in good humor. It was a banter she’d grown fond of.

Releasing each other she swung her legs over the side. Taking her hands again, he pulled her to her feet. Releasing one hand, he bowed in a grand gesture. “Dinner awaits madam.” He said doing a rather good British accent. Standing he continues. “Shall we retire to the living room, or would you rather have dinner in bed?”

“I’d rather you let go of my hand if you don’t want to lose it. I’m so hungry I could eat a pot of Neelix’s leeola root stew.”

He winced. “Oh, you must really be hungry.”

“That’s right, so move it or lose it.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He replied with a laugh and got out of her way. Walking behind her, he couldn’t help but notice how she kind of waddled like a duck when she walked. He’d never tell her that, unless of course, he was feeling particularly suicidal.

Pulling out her chair, he held out his arm for her to use so she could lower herself into it. Once she was seated, he pulled off the lid to the dish. Fortunately, they were able to find an abundant power source for the replicator. She smiled. “Chicken paprikash.”

“Just like your grandmother used to make.” He paused in thought. “Well maybe not exactly like hers, but close enough.”

“It smells wonderful.” She replied watching in anticipation as he filled the plate before setting it in front of her. Immediately she dug in as he filled his own before retaking his seat.

He was only halfway through his first helping when she started her second, causing a smile to form on his lips. “I guess you really like it.”

“It’s delicious.” She mumbled through a mouth full of food, making him laugh out loud. Swallowing she asked. “Did I say something funny?”

He shook his head. “I can’t help but notice you eat like a starving woman.”

“I guess I do in away. I’m eating for two you know, or have you forgotten?”

“I don’t think I could when it’s so obvious. Now if you had asked me that months ago-”

“I did.”

He stared at her in thought. “I guess you did.” Once they’d finished their dinner, Harry cleared the table. Once finished he retook his seat. “So, what do you want to do now? Cards?”

“I’m sick of cards.”

“Okay.” He replied then leaned back in his chair thinking.

“Harry?”

“Yes?”

“If something happens-”

“Nothing’s going to happen. Don’t even think it.”

She nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I just can’t stop thinking about it with those creatures out there, not to mention our humanoid friends firing on them at all hours of the night.”

“They haven’t been that close to us since the first time we heard them. To tell the truth I don’t think their using any scanning equipment or they’d have played us a visit by now.”

“Well if they’re having the same problem with their scanners as we did with our tricorders, it’s a fairly good bet their useless. Besides, I think they already know that.”

He looked puzzled. “What makes you say that?”

“Think about it. For the last several months they’ve been entering that rift and landing on this planet only to hunt the creatures. I’d say they're using this place as some sort of a training ground.”

He nodded slowly in agreement. “That would make sense. Why else would they come here? This place isn’t exactly my idea of a vacation getaway.”

The sound of a weapon discharge sliced through the silence, making both their heads shoot up in surprise. Then a shriek is heard just before the creature slams directly into the door. _“Oh god, not now.”_ Harry thought, knowing that the humanoid aliens were sure to follow. He stood up and headed for Kathryn who was already in the process of trying to push herself up. “We’ve got to get out of here.” He comments as if she didn’t already know and helps her get to her feet before going to the shelf grabbing two phasers and wrist beacons. Moving back, he hands her one of each. “Can you run?”

“Do I have a choice?” She retorts, knowing he knew the answer.

Taking her hand, he pulls her toward the back door. “We’ll take this at your pace.” She nods as they snap on their wrist beacons.

“Our best bet would be to head for the caves.”

He nods in agreement. “Ready?”

“No, but let’s do it anyway.”

Opening the door, they head out, moving as fast as she can go, which starts out as a run and quickly turns to a fast walk.

He lets her lead the way while he scans the area with his eyes, looking for any of the creatures or aliens. Nearing the cave entrance - which isn’t more than two-hundred meters - the sound of flapping wings approaches.

Shining his wrist beacon in the direction of the sound, he sees the creature. It shrieks from pain as Harry fires, hitting it. It flies over him and crashes to the ground, screeching a horrible high pitch shrill. “Harry!” Kathryn shouts from the entrance. “Your shirt!”

He continues to run toward her, needing to get inside before stopping to look. Just as he reaches it, a burning sensation begins on his shoulder. Quickly he strips off the shirt. Kathryn takes it from him. Then using an unaffected section, wipes at his shoulder, taking his skin along with it. Harry screams. If the aliens didn’t know where they were then they do now. Dropping the shirt, she grabs his hand and pulls him further into the cave, making their way to the same spot they’d used before the shelter was built.

She could feel his hand grow sweaty as they reached the site. Once there, she uses the phaser to cause the loose rocks to fall, sealing the entrance. In her condition, she couldn’t move those rocks into place even if she wanted to. When the dust cleared, she saw Harry sitting on the ground, sweating profusely. Ripping off the sleeve to her shirt, she quickly heads for the small indention filled with water. Soaking the garment, she returned to him, washing his shoulder and arm, repeating the process until all the neon yellow blood was gone. He cried out, blood running from the wound, but knew it had to be done.

Sitting facing him she asked. “Are you still with me?” He nodded. “Good.” She said relieved. “I’m going to get us a fire started, just lay back and rest.” He nodded, knowing he was useless to them now, and whether he liked it or not she’d have to look out for them both. Closing his eyes, he eventually fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

For the last eight hours, Chakotay paced, debating what he should do. The repairs seemed to be moving way too slowly for his tastes, and the one thing that kept going through his brain was that years could be passing for Kathryn and Harry. His child could be a toddler by now, an adolescent, maybe even an adult, and he never having been part of their life.

Was it a boy or a girl? Did they look more like him or Kathryn? Were they safe? Were they all safe? And what about Kathryn and Harry? Were they old? Were they still alive or had they died of old age or something else? These thoughts plagued him, tormented him. He felt he’d stood by and waited long enough, but the one thing that kept him from taking a shuttle and fighting his way past the alien ship and toward the planet was duty. He was now the captain until they got them back - if they got them back - and the longer he waited the more likely it was he would never see them alive again.

He was now responsible for everyone on board, and it would be irresponsible on his part to just walk away from them to rescue the woman he loved, the woman who gave him the very reason to breathe. And Harry, who had become a true and loyal friend. How could he just turn his back on them any longer? It wasn’t true, but in his heart, that’s exactly what he felt he was doing.

If he didn’t try something soon, he’d never be able to live with himself. He’d made the decision. Tapping his com badge, he said. “Chakotay to Tuvok.”

_“Tuvok here.”_

“Meet me in the briefing room in five minutes.”

_“Understood, Tuvok out.”_

***

When the door opened, he found Tuvok waiting for him. “Good, you’re here.”

“I’m assuming you’ve called me here in regard to Ensign Kim and the captain.”

“You assume correctly.”

“Then may I also assume you are about to suggest that you take a shuttle and go after them yourself?”

He stared at him. “You never cease to amaze me Tuvok. That’s exactly what I was about to suggest.”

He raised an eyebrow then nodded slightly in acknowledgment. “I must admit Commander you have surprised me as well.”

“How so?”

“I did not anticipate you would discuss the matter with me. I fully expected you to commandeer a shuttle and go searching for them.”

He smiled. “Well, I’m glad to know I have the ability to surprise you every now and then. I suppose you’re going to point out how foolish this is.”

“I would be remiss in my duties not to. Over the years I have come to anticipate, and on occasion, understand how the human mind works. Emotional attachments to others inhibit reason and logic, causing an individual to become irrational, careless.”

“I understand what-”

“However,” He continued cutting him off. “In this instance, I am inclined to agree with your analysis and believe it would be wise to implement your plan.”

Chakotay was stunned. Never in a million years did he ever expect Tuvok - of all people - to endorse his idea. “What?”

“According to Seven’s data, the captain and Ensign Kim are being exposed to a time differential where perhaps weeks, months, or years are passing. If a rescue attempt is not made soon, they could die of old age. I know you will insist on being a member of the away team, but may I suggest you take Lieutenant Paris with you. He can be vexing at times, but he is an accomplished pilot. The chances of your mission succeeding would greatly improve.”

He nodded. “I’m sure you know you’ll be in charge until we get back.”

“Your survival or success is not a certainty.”

“You sure know how to kill the mood.”

“Indeed.” He replied as if he were making a joke, but Chakotay knew better.

“Thank you, Tuvok. I’ll take your suggestion. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a shuttle to alter and an away team to pick out.” Without another word, he left.

***

It seemed the moment he’d reached a blissful sleep, Harry was awakened by the sound of weapon fire. Standing he noticed the home-made poultice on his shoulder as he picked up his phaser. Looking toward the blockade, he could tell that someone was attempting to force their way inside.

Kathryn was pressed up against the wall, firing through the holes the aliens had made. After several shots, a scream is heard from the other side, she’d hit someone. Then a more gruesome sound replaced it several moments later after he’d joined her. It was a high pitched shrill as one of the creatures attacked their friend, or friends, on the other side.

When it became silent for a somewhat infinite length of time, Harry moved closer to Kathryn. She didn’t look well; her face was flushed, and her skin was covered in a sheen layer of sweat. “How are you holding up?”

She waved him away in irritation, leaning back against the wall. “I’m fine. Go rest.”

“I don’t think so, you look like you’re about to pass out.”

“This is not the time for a debate. Go lay down.”

“Kathryn-”

“Go!” She shouted angrily, pushing herself away from the wall. Then almost immediately a hand went to her stomach as she bit off a cry. Taking her by the arm, he helped her sit before she fell over. “Let go of me. I’ll be fine.” She snapped.

“Listen to me!” He shouted, having lost what little patience he had left, and she looked up at him, surprised. “You’re not fine! Neither of us are fine! Ever since we realized _Voyager_ wasn’t coming for us you’ve been pushing me away. I’ve been tolerant, reminding myself of the reasons for your actions, but as of right now I’ve run out of patience. So, you’re going to listen to me and do exactly as I say. Do we understand each other?”

He was mad, and she could see it in his eyes. She’d pushed him too far, she knew. Over the last few months, she’d seen him at his best, accepting what’s happened better than she had. He’d risen to the challenge, grabbed the gauntlet and carried it for them both, and she resented it. Until this moment she hadn’t realized how much of their survival had rested on his shoulders. “Yes.” She answered.

He nodded. “Is the baby okay?”

“I think so.”

“Good. Now I want you to stay right here and rest while I patch those holes in the blockade. If you need me to call.”

“I will.” Looking satisfied, he stood up and walked away.

From this moment on she no longer saw the inexperienced young man who first entered her ready room eight years ago. No, he had grown up, and a part of her was saddened because of it. He had lost something, something he’d never again see or touch or feel, his innocence.

***

The first person Chakotay wanted to take with him on this trip was Ayala. He trusted him, knew what his strengths and limitations were. But the one thing he genuinely liked about him was his honesty. He didn’t allow the macho ‘I can do anything’ ego affect him the way he sometimes did. More than he’d care to admit. Ayala would be the first person to admit when he was wrong, or if something were beyond his capabilities, and he was one of the few people Chakotay would gladly put his life down for.

The next person he thought of was Seven. She had intricate knowledge regarding the subspace rupture, and if anyone could get them through it safely it was her.

Next was the Doctor. If Kathryn and Harry were injured, he would know what to do better than Tom would. Not to belittle Tom’s ability, he was a fine field medic, but if the chips were down there wasn’t much he could do to help.

After two hours of modifications, they were ready to launch. _“Shuttle Cochrane to the bridge, we’re going for launch,”_ Tom said over the com.  
“Understood,” Tuvok replied, then turned to Ensign Johnson at Ops. “Depressurize shuttle bay one and open launch doors.”

“Aye, sir.” She replied before refocusing her attention to the console before her.

“Here we go,” Tom said engaging engines, moving the shuttle away from _Voyager_.

From tactical, Chakotay said. “Activate scattering field.”

Seven tapped the console. “Scattering field engaged.”

“All right Tom, take us in.”

***

Kathryn had fallen into a restless sleep, dreaming about the story her aunt Martha had told her years ago. Aunt Martha loved imparting their family’s history to anyone who would listen, and it wouldn’t be until she was a young woman, that she became interested.

It was about her ancestors John and Avenal Russell. Avenal O’Hare - an Irish immigrant with auburn hair and blue eyes - had taken the last of the money she’d managed to acquire after her parent’s death, selling their land and livestock for a ticket to a boat bound for America. The year was nineteen twenty-seven, she was sixteen years old.

Several weeks later she arrived in New York harbor. Working as a seamstress, then later as a factory worker putting together specific parts that were to go inside the engine blocks for automobiles. The fast-paced life of the city began to wear on her, the thrill of it had lost its appeal over a year ago. She wanted to move on, find a place that was as desolate and quiet as the potato farm she’d grown up on. Having saved what little money she could, she bought a train ticket leaving New York, never to return.

Eventually, she ended up in Indiana. It was flat, having none of the rolling green hills she’d been spoiled with as a child, but it was quiet. Not long after she arrived, she found work as a milkmaid making fifty cents a week. Back in those days, it was a lot of money, more than she had seen in quite a while. The year was nineteen thirty-two, she was twenty-one years old.

It was there that she met a cattle driver by the name of John Russell. He was a handsome young man with light sandy brown hair, dark brown eyes, and darkly tanned skin. He courted her for nearly a year before they decided to marry. Giving up his lively hood as a cattle driver, he went to work as a farmhand, earning sixty cents a week. It was considerably less than what he’d been used to, but if he’d kept his former job it meant leaving his wife for months at a time, and now that she was pregnant with no one to care for her, he had no choice but to stay.

In the winter of nineteen thirty-four, she went into labor. John left to fetch the only doctor in town, leaving his closest childhood friend Frank to stay with his wife. The doctor’s name was Sonny Robinson. He was from Jonesboro Arkansas and had a thick southern accent, and all though most people considered a person who spoke with such a thick accent to be stupid, he was as smart as a whip. Making a person who’d mocked him often wonder afterward if he’d complimented or insulted them.

As intelligent as he was, he was inexperienced in many areas. He had only delivered a baby once, and that being when he was finishing his residency. It wasn’t long after he’d arrived that everything seemed to go wrong - which was none of his doing. The baby was trying to make its way through a birth canal that was still too small, not having fully dilated.

Turning to John, Sonny asked if he knew how to drive, he said no, and before he could say another word, John ran out the door and toward Plainfield - which was forty-two miles away - having understood that the doctor there was more experienced in these matters.

“He’ll never make it in time,” Sonny told Frank. “Can you drive?”

“Yes.”

Frank got in the car and took off, picking John up along the way. Later John would say how Frank drove like a crazy man. Not because he was nervous or worried, but because he really couldn’t drive very well, only having driven three times. I guess in his mind that limited experience was enough to make him an expert. Eventually they arrived with Doctor Martin Lawson. He was an older gentleman with black hair that was graying at the temples.

Soon it became apparent to everyone how impatient he was and seemed annoyed with poor Avenal that she couldn’t perform miracles - as if suddenly she would attain the power to fully dilate her cervix and deliver the baby so he could go home and back to the warmth of his bed.

John and Frank would later recount how Sonny dragged Martin outside and shouted at him. Telling him that he would have to take the baby before it killed them both. He would have already done it himself if he thought he could do it safely. Angrily he did it, leaving a large knot on the baby’s head as he quite literally tore her from the birth canal, ripping Avenal’s womb in the process. She would never be the same again, her uterus being plagued with multiple infections, and would eventually be removed, but not before giving birth to two more daughters. But today on December twelfth, nineteen thirty-four, she gave life to Letha Alline Russell, and to her parents, she was a treasure to behold.

Then the dream shifted, focusing on her situation and the thought that Avenal’s problem could just as easily happen to her, only worse. What would they do if her birth canal were too small? It’s not as if they had the equipment to perform a cesarean, and she knew Harry wouldn’t know how. He wasn’t a doctor, hell he didn’t have much more than standard first aid training. They just weren’t equipped should some medical abnormality arise.

In the dream, she lay back against the cave floor, trying not to pass out as the baby tried to free itself and not being able to. She could see Harry kneeling in front of her trying to help pull the baby loose as she cried out in pain. But once the baby was out, he held it in his lap, tears rising in his eyes before finally spilling forth. “What is it? What’s happened? Why isn’t my baby crying?”

He didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. He just looked up at her with puffy swollen eyes. “I’m sorry Kathryn. There was nothing I could do.”

Hot tears rushed into her eyes as she pushed herself up to look. The baby’s face was an ugly blackish purple, the umbilical cord wrapped around its neck. She screamed, feeling that she had lost her mind in an instant.

A persistent shaking forced her to open her eyes. Harry was holding her by the arms. “It’s all right Kathryn, it was just a dream.” Even with the dream still vivid in her mind, she forced herself to relax. “You’re trembling.” He says, sounding almost amazed by the discovery. Pulling her into his arms, she accepts it, feeling the need for human contact. Then before she realized, or stop herself, she was crying. He held her tighter, stroking her hair, using his good arm. His shoulder, all though screaming out in pain, seemed insignificant compared to the hysterical woman in his arms.

He had seen her cry before, on several occasions, but this time it was different, she was quite literally falling to pieces. “Shh.” He cooed. “It’s all right, everything going to be all right.” She mumbled something against his chest he couldn’t hear. Pulling back, he asked. “What did you say?”

“I said everything is not all right. It’ll never be all right again.” She choked out.

“Of course, it is. Why would you say that? Does this have anything to do with the baby?”

“It’s more than that. It’s this place. I don’t want to raise my baby here, exposing it to this kind of danger.”

“I know, but we don’t have a choice. If I could get us out of here I would, but it’s just not possible.”

“Damn it!” She shouted, pounding a fist against his chest. “Why did this have-” Gripping his shoulder, she cut herself off with a gasp, her eyes growing wide.

“What? What is it?” He demanded.

“The baby. I think it’s coming.” She replied.

“Now?” He replied flabbergasted. “You can’t do this now.”

“Do you think I get a choice? Like it or not Harry this baby’s coming. Oh God!” She cried out, gripping his shoulder as her water broke, making him cry out as well.

Releasing her grip, he helped her lay back against the wall and took her hand. “Breathe Kathryn, don’t forget to breathe.”

She squeezed his hand, but this time it wasn’t from pain. “It’s all right. The pains are gone for the moment.” But she knew as well as he did that they would return, and it would only get worse over time.

***

“How’s the scattering field?” Chakotay asked Seven without looking up from his console. He was once again checking to see if the controls were configured for manual targeting.

“Online.”

“Good.” The good side about the scattering field was that it scrambled the opposing ships targeting sensors, the bad side was that it scattered theirs as well. With a few more hours they could have solved that problem, but with time being an issue it was best - in Chakotay’s mind - that they just deal with the inconvenience and take their chances.

“Were approaching the border,” Tom announced.

“Shields up,” Chakotay ordered.

“Commander, they're hailing us.” Seven interrupted. “Audio only.”

“Probably trying to get us to slow down so they can get a lock on us.” He replied then nodded to Seven.

_“Alien ship, you are about to enter Zal territory. Leave now or we will be forced to fire.”_

Chakotay recognized the voice, or perhaps all their men sounded that way. “This is Commander Chakotay of the Federation Starship _Voyager_. Your ship contacted me earlier, informing me that one of our shuttles were destroyed in your system by a white hole.”

A pause. _“Yes. So why are you attempting to cross our border?”_

“We have recently uncovered evidence that our shuttle may not be destroyed. As soon as we’ve confirmed this, we’ll be happy to leave your space.”

_“Show us the evidence you have attained, and we will consider allowing you passage.”_

_“Somehow I don’t think so.”_ He thought. “Of course. It will only take us a couple of seconds to uplink the data to your vessel. Chakotay out.”

“Are you serious?” Tom asked incredulously.

“No, I want you to plot a micro-jump into high warp, stopping a hundred meters from the subspace rupture. By the time they figure out what happened, we’ll have already entered.” He hoped.

Tom nodded and began entering the calculations into the shuttle’s navigational computer. “Seven, be ready to modulate the shields to match the frequency of the subspace field.” She nodded and once again focused her attention back on the console. “Ayala.” He called over the com.

_“Yes, sir?”_

“How are the stasis pods?”

_“All three are online and operational.”_

“And the Doctor’s mobile emitter?”

_“Safe and sound.”_

“That’s what I wanted to hear.” Speaking to Tom he asked. “Are you ready?”

“Ready, willing, and able.” He replied cracking his knuckles.

Chakotay smiled. “Then let’s get this show on the road.”

Tom initiated the command sequence, and in a flash, they were gone.

***

Even though the poultice Kathryn had made was helping to slow the effects of the poisonous blood in his system, Harry was beginning to feel its effects. He was becoming disoriented, his vision having a slight blur to it as if someone had been coloring outside the lines of a child’s coloring book. He was sweating profusely despite how cold it was, and the wound on his shoulder was spreading. Several red lines were making its way down his arm and across his chest, carrying the poison that would be enough to kill him upon reaching his heart.

He didn’t want to alarm Kathryn with the news, she had enough to deal with already. Nearly eight hours had passed, and she was well into labor, the contractions were getting closer together. It wouldn’t be long before the baby was ready, and he hoped that he’d live long enough to see her through this, to see the child he’d help nurture and protect. _“God, all I ask is that you let me live long enough to help her through this, to not let her go through this alone. Please God.”_ He thought desperately.

“Kathryn.” He said pushing the sweat-soaked hair away from her face. She opened her eyes. “I have to go back to the shelter and get some blankets and a med kit. I can’t hold off any longer.”

Reaching up she gripped his arm. “Don’t leave me alone Harry, not like this. I don’t think I can do this by myself.” She pleaded.

“I have to.” He replied firmly. “I won’t be gone long.”

“You’re in no condition to make the trip alone. What if you need help?”

“I have the strength to get there. I’ll be back before you know it.” She nodded but wasn’t convinced. Leaning over he kissed her forehead before heading for the blockade and made an opening.

Once on the other side, he saw the remains of the humanoid aliens the winged creatures had attacked earlier. Their bloody, managed bodies lay scattered around him. Harry thought it ironic that he was standing here, surrounded by the stench of death when not more than ten meters away he was about to experience the miracle of life. It was enough to give him pause, but he couldn’t pause yet, he had to get back to the shelter.

Forcing his legs to work was a conscious effort, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. The beacon - still attached to this wrist - bobbed wildly against the walls of the cave as his arm swung at his side. It hadn’t even occurred to him yet to raise it. His phaser, still in his belt, continued to remain untouched, it took all his concentration to keep walking.

Even with his growing disorientation, he was able to make his way to the entrance. He had walked it so many times he could do it in his sleep, and in a way he was. It was raining again, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was getting back to Kathryn with the supplies they needed. So, he took one step, then another, making his way back to their home.


	7. Chapter 7

Passing through the subspace rupture wasn’t as easy as it looked. Any number of things could have gone wrong. If they miscalculated the shield modulation by a degree, the shuttle would crash. Once they’d broken through the ionosphere, a swarm of black-winged creatures smashed against the forward viewport. When the first one hit, Tom nearly shouted. “What the hell are they?” He asked regaining his composure.

“Unknown, our sensors cannot detect them.” Seven replied.

“I’m assuming the neon yellow fluid is their blood,” Tom commented.

“Correct, it is acidic. I suggest we purge it from our hull before making our way back to _Voyager_.” She suggested.

“Understood,” Chakotay replied then said. “Seven begin sensor sweeps of the area, maybe we can locate their life signs.”

Moments after she’d begun, the shuttle rocked violently, as if they had come under attack. “Report!” Chakotay demanded.

Another jolt.

“There are no ships in the vicinity.” She answered, a bit puzzled. Looking down at her console. “It’s the sensors. They're charging the atmosphere.”

“Do you have them?”

“I’m reading a small structure fifty meters from our coordinates. It is comprised of wood.” She raised an eyebrow. “Curious.”

“What?” Chakotay questioned.

“The outside of the structure is covered with titanium.”

The shuttle rocks again.

“If what you said about the creature’s blood is true, they would know that and take certain precautions in order to defend themselves.” He explained. “So, there’s no sign of either of them?”

“No Commander.”

“Tom, alter course but I want you to hide the shuttle. If the aliens come for us, I don’t want to make it easy for them.”

“Aye, sir.”

Another violent tremor.

“Deactivate sensors.” He ordered, and Seven complied.

Finding a good spot, despite the rain, Tom landed the shuttle. Then each of them grabbed their wrist beacons, phasers, and a med kit. Opening the shuttle door, Chakotay, Tom, Seven, and Ayala stepped right into the middle of a downpour, and it was cold.

“All right everyone, keep your eyes open,” Chakotay said, then began walking in the direction of the shelter - which he couldn’t see - but knew was there. The rest of the group followed.

***

By the time Harry reached the back door of their home, he had grown more and more lightheaded, and with the rain, he couldn’t tell if his vision was getting any worse. Stumbling inside the door, his pants, shoes, back, face, and chest were covered if not smeared with mud. He had fallen a couple of times, and every time he put out a hand to steady himself, he’d find nothing. It was hard to make himself get up again, but he had to for Kathryn’s sake. Now he was here.

Like a drunken man, he staggered into the room. Grabbing two blankets and a med kit, he held them close to his chest before stumbling over to the table and put down the blankets. Opening the med kit, he filled a hypospray with deruthinal and placed it to his neck. It wouldn’t stop the poison that was killing him, but it would slow it down. How much he didn’t know. Feeling a little better, he regathered the items and headed out the door and back to Kathryn.

***

When they finally reached the shelter, Chakotay thought he’d seen something moving away from it, but that didn’t surprise him, there had been a lot of some things moving around them since they exited the shuttle.

Stepping inside, he shone the beam around the room, phaser extended. Water kept dripping from his hair and into his eyes making him shake his head a couple of times to sling off the excess. Before him was a table and two chairs. Dinner was still on the table. Moving closer he recognized it. Chicken paprikash. They appeared to have left in a hurry. 

“Chakotay,” Ayala called. “Come take a look at this.”

He was standing by the back door looking down. Coming into view he saw mud. Someone had been here recently, if they hadn’t the mud would be dry, or well on its way. “Tom, Seven,” Chakotay said calling them over. “Take a look at this.” He indicated the floor. Tom and Seven understood immediately. “This is the first real clue we’ve had so far, but I can’t be sure if it was Harry, the captain, or one of the aliens. I’m going to follow the trail, and I want the three of you to keep your eyes open.” They nodded.

***

Eventually, Harry made it back. Sitting down the supplies, he resealed the blockade before reclaiming them and headed for Kathryn. She didn’t look good; her face was pale, and she was sweating profusely.

“I thought you’d never get back.” She said just in time before another contraction presented itself. Reaching out she gripped his arm. “Do you see that large rock over there?”

“Yes.” Looking a little confused he thought. _“What was this sudden fascination with a rock?”_ Then asked. “Why?”

“I want you to use it and knock me out.” She answered through pain gritted teeth. “You have to do it, Harry, I can’t take this any longer.”

Grasping her arm gently he released the grip she had on his shoulder. “You’re doing fine Kathryn. If anyone can endure this, it’s you. Now, I’m going to slip this blanket under you, all right?” She nodded. He held up her legs for a second and slid the blanket under them, then he lifted her around the waist and slid it further. “It’s done.” He announced. “It’s time to pull your pants off. As soon as I’m done, I’ll put the other blanket over you. Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

Thrusting her hips up, Harry pulled her pants and panties past her hips. When she felt them slide past, she lowered her bottom back onto the blanket as he pulled them the rest of the way off. Putting them aside, he grabbed the other blanket and laid it over her. Turning on his wrist beacon he lifted the edge of the blanket to look and saw the crown of the baby’s head. “Have you been pushing while I’ve been gone?”

“Yes, when I feel the urge I do it. Is something wrong?”

“I don’t think so, but I can see the head.”

“Good, that’s good.” She said relieved, then her face contorted momentarily as the pain intensified and she felt the urge to push again. Reaching out, she gripped the back of her thighs and leaned forward slightly. Her face turning red as she strained.

Harry watched the baby’s head slide out a little farther. “You’re doing great Kathryn.” He encouraged. After a short rest, she gripped her thighs again and pushed, this time she could feel it sliding out.

As he sat in front of her, encouraging her, the disorientation was beginning to return. His vision was becoming blurry around the edges. If she didn’t have this baby soon, he’d no longer be able to help her, he’d be dead. “Push Kathryn! Push!” He shouted frantically. “Just one more good push!”

She’d been pushing so hard she was afraid she’d ruptured something. “I am pushing dammit! Are you not paying-” The pain surged, interrupting her response.

“Don’t scream, push!”

Biting off the cry she gripped her thighs and leaned forward. Gathering every bit of strength, she pushed hard, hoping it was enough.

When the head cleared, he slipped his fingers between Kathryn’s vaginal wall and the baby’s shoulder. Looping his index finger under the baby’s armpit he said. “I know you’re tired, but you’re almost there. I need you to push.” His voice had become softer. Gripping her thighs, she obeyed wearily.

While she pushed, he pulled, freeing the baby’s right shoulder. Slipping his fingers in on the other side, he looped the left armpit. Waiting until she pushed again, he pulled the left shoulder loose. Using both hands, he grasped the baby under the arms and pulled with every push she made until the baby slid free. Holding the child in his hands he smiled with tear-filled eyes. This would be the last time he saw either of them alive. Slapping the baby’s bottom, a loud cry echoed through the tunnel. “It’s a girl.” He announced, then placed her on Kathryn’s chest. Crying, she immediately counted all her fingers and toes, making sure everything was as it should be.

“Thank you.” She said, then the next thing she knew he fell onto his side. Reaching out a hand she began shaking him, holding her daughter in her lap as she sat up. “Harry? Harry wake up! You can’t leave me! HARRY!”

***

It was hard enough to track a set of muddy footprints in the dark, but what made it worse were the winged creatures who kept swooping down, trying to take one of their heads off. When they reached a cave entrance, the footprints stopped, and they had managed to see where it led in one piece.

Stepping inside, they continued down the tunnel. Several meters later they came to a fork in the road. “Left, or right?” Chakotay asked for suggestions.

“Did you hear that?” Ayala asked.

Turning toward him Chakotay said. “Hear what?”

“Listen.” Was all he would explain.

Everyone remained perfectly still, straining to hear something, anything. Then just as Chakotay was about to speak he heard a faint cry as if someone were shouting. “I heard it, but which way is it coming from?”

“The tunnel on the right.” Seven said.

“How do you know?” Tom asked.

“I have a superior hearing.”

“I would say so,” Tom replied with a crooked smile.

“All right let’s go,” Chakotay said and headed through the right passage.

The further they moved inside the tunnel, the louder the sound, but it was beginning to sound like there were two people. One crying, one screaming.

“Harry no!”

“That’s Kathryn’s voice.” He whispered, almost not believing what his ears were telling him. Without thinking, he took off running toward her voice. “Kathryn!” He shouted.

“Chakotay stop!” Ayala called before taking off after him.

“Ayala wait dammit!” Tom cursed, then turned to Seven with an exasperated sigh. “Well, I guess we should go after them.”

Raising an eyebrow, she replied. “Perhaps we should.”

Both headed down the passage at a fast walk, turning into a jog, then a run. Up ahead, Tom saw Chakotay and Ayala pulling down rocks from a blocked-off portion of the tunnel. When he was closer, he noticed several bodies lying around them, badly mutilated, and the stench was almost enough to make him want to vomit. He had to keep swallowing his salvia to prevent him from doing just that.

Quickly Chakotay jumped to the side, a red-orange beam barely missing him. “Stay back! I won’t let you touch my baby!” She shouted.

“Kathryn it’s me! Chakotay! Stop firing so we can help you!” He shouted back.

“You’re lying!”

Bending forward just enough to see her through a gap between two rocks, he watched as she grips the phaser tightly in her hand. Holding their screaming infant wrapped in a standard Starfleet blanket against her chest, she rocks back and forth, scanning the cave with her eyes but not really seeing it. Harry lay next to her on his side with no shirt and covered in mud. _“It must have been Harry who left the muddy trail. And why did he have a bandage on his shoulder?”_ If she would let him get close enough to check, he could find out.

_“God Kathryn you look like hell.”_ He thought. The one thing he wanted more than anything was to hold her in his arms, to be able to see and hold their child for the first time.

“Listen to my voice, Kathryn. It’s me Chakotay, the man who loves you, the man who’s the father of your child. Just let me come in and help you, to help Harry. He needs the Doctor, we brought him with us. Please, Kathryn.” He watched as she continued to rock back and forth, thinking it over.

_“Is this what it feels like to lose your mind?”_ She wondered. _“Am I going crazy? Is that man out there really Chakotay? The man I love, the man whose child I’ve just given life to? Could it really be him after all this time?”_ Taking a breath, she replied. “Just you. I want to see you.”

“All right.” He agreed then once again pulls out more of the rocks.

“Chakotay?” Ayala questioned.

“Everything going to be fine, don’t worry.”

Making a hole large enough to squeeze through, he steps inside. Slowly and deliberately he walks into the light. He stands still, letting her take the lead.

Something finally clicked in her tired, sleep-deprived, and stressed state. He was Chakotay. It was him. She wasn’t hallucinating, he was here. “Oh God, Chakotay.” She whispered as tears spilled across her cheeks.

He moves toward her then motions for Ayala, who in turn motions to Tom and Seven. Once they’d made an adequate opening they stepped inside.

Kneeling in front of her she says. “I never thought I’d see you again, that you would have the chance to see your daughter.”

“So, it’s a girl?” She nodded, a smile spreading across her lips.

Reaching out with a smile of his own, he lightly stroked the baby’s head. “Hello there little one.” He says softly. “I’m your daddy.”

Kathryn looks up at him with tear-filled eyes, knowing that for the first time since she and Harry crashed here everything was going to be all right. Harry. She remembers, having forgotten him momentarily. “Harry.” She says panicked, reaching out a hand for him and Chakotay grasps it.

“Kathryn-”

“Please state the nature of the medical emergency.” The Doctor says looking around, quickly surveying the situation, he moves to Harry’s unconscious form and leans over him opening the med kit. “What happened?”

“One of the creatures tried to attack us. He killed it, but some of its blood landed on his shoulder. It’s acidic.” Kathryn answered.

“Where is the medical tricorder?”

“Sorry, Doc.” Tom cut in. “They won’t work here.”

He sighed and rolled Harry onto his back. Removing the poultice, he studied the wound with a meticulous eye. Looking up at Tom he said. “We have to get him in one of the stasis pods. Are they still functional?”

“Yes, I checked them before I left,” Ayala spoke up.

He nodded. “Take Mister Kim and get him into one of the pods as quickly as possible.”

“He’s going to die, isn’t he?” Kathryn asked.

The Doctor turned toward her, then with every ounce of conviction flowing through his subroutines, he replied. “Not if I can help it.” Then he looked back at Tom. “Take him.”

Quickly Tom, Seven, and Ayala picked him up and rushed him out. Ayala, being the only one who could unholster a weapon stated. “I’ll cover you.” As they made their way down the tunnel toward the entrance.

“Captain,” The Doctor began once they’d left. “We have to remove the placenta.” She nodded in understanding. “Commander,” He said handing him a laser scalpel. “Would you care to cut the cord?” He asked knowing most cultures had a preference. Taking it, he did so before handing it back. Then the Doctor quickly clamped the umbilical cord. “Let me take her.” Chakotay said.

Without a word she handed him his daughter, wrapped in the blanket Harry had draped across her thighs, leaving her exposed.

“Are you ready?” The Doctor asked.

Gripping the back of her thighs she replied. “I’m ready.”

“Push.”

Leaning forward she pushed, but his time it didn’t seem as hard to expel the placenta as it had been to deliver her daughter. The Doctor captured it in the blanket Harry had laid under her previously. He was about to pick it up and carry it away when Chakotay put a hand on his arm, stopping him. “Let me.” The Doctor nodded.

Laying his daughter back in Kathryn’s arms, he stood up and took the blanket from him before walking away. Kathryn watched him go, wondering why it seemed his disposing of it was so important.

“Captain?” The Doctor asked recapturing her attention.

“Yes, Doctor.”

Holding up the dermal regenerator he asked. “Does this still work?”

“Yes.” She answered then turned her head back in the direction Chakotay was headed and didn’t see him. Seconds later she heard the dermal regenerator humming to life.

When he was finished, he deactivated it and put it back into the med kit before picking up her pants and panties. “Umm . . . ahh . . .” Trying to figure out how to help her get them back on with her holding the baby. The dermal regenerator was only a temporary fix. Once they returned to _Voyager_ , he could repair the vaginal tear, but until then she couldn’t move around too much without help or it would reopen. Turning around he was about to call for Chakotay when he approached so quietly, he didn’t hear him. “There you are, Commander.” He said trying not to appear surprised.

Chakotay noticed him holding Kathryn’s pants in one hand and her panties in the other, a look of embarrassment etched on his face, making him see the humor in the situation. Right now, all of them needed a laugh, something to break the tension, and Chakotay felt he would supply it. With a hand on his hip, he pointed at the pair of panties in his hand. “Well Doctor, I’m sure that’s the closest you’ve gotten to being in the captain’s pants.” Then smiled.

Kathryn looked shocked, her mouth dropping open. “Chakotay!”

The Doctor recovered quickly and quipped. “I’m sure you would know better than I, obviously.”

“Doctor!” She scolded, shocked that he would indulge this.

Chakotay couldn’t take it anymore and laughed out loud, taking her pants and panties from him. kneeling next to her, she thrust out her hand, holding him at arm’s length. “Oh no you don’t. If you think for one-” He grasped, her hand and gently held it against his chest. Leaning forward he kissed her cutting her off. She tried to resist, but when he released her hand to caress her face before trailing his fingers lightly down her neck, she became overwhelmed by his touch. She hadn’t felt it in eight months, eight extremely long months.

When he pulled back her eyes were closed, a sigh escaping her lips. He smiled, then stroked her cheek and asked softly. “What were you saying?”

She opened her eyes, seeing him staring back at her. She was captivated by the dark brown orbs. It had been so long since she last investigated them. A smile spreading on her lips she replied just as softly. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too. Let’s get you dressed all right?”

“All right.” She agreed before handing the baby to the Doctor.

She thought it ironic he was helping her get dressed when he was the usually the one who took her clothes off. The thought made her smile a little wider. He noticed the full smile but didn’t say anything. There would be plenty of time for that later.

“I suggest we get back to the shuttle,” Chakotay said having finished dressing her.

“And not a moment too soon.” The Doctor said holding the infant.

Just as Kathryn was about to push herself up to her feet, Chakotay slipped one hand under her legs and around her back then stood up. “You don’t have to do this, I can walk.” She protested.

“I think not.” The Doctor responded. “The vaginal tear hasn’t been fully healed. If you walk out of here the tear would reopen.”

“I understand.” She answered, enjoying the feel of being in Chakotay’s arms again, even if it was only for just a few minutes. Leading the way, the Doctor followed. “I almost forgot. Before we leave here there’s a crib and rocking chair Harry made that I want to take with us, if possible.”

“I didn’t know he knew anything about carpentry.”

“He didn’t, but he’s learned from having lived here so long.”

“So, it would seem.”

Reaching the entrance, the shuttle had moved from their previous location and was now waiting for them from outside the cave entrance.

“Hurry!” Tom shouted from the rear hatch. “Our alien visitors are on the way!”

As fast as they could, they headed for it, feeling a sense of relief when each of their feet touched the ramp of the shuttle. Now in the aft section, Ayala opened the second stasis pod. Chakotay carried her over to it and carefully placed her inside.

“Give her to me,” Kathryn said to the Doctor holding her arms out.

“Captain I think-”

“I don’t care what you think now. I want my baby.”

He looked over to Chakotay. “Would there be any medical abnormalities if they shared a pod?” Chakotay asked.

“No.”

“Then give her the baby.” He replied simply. Nodding, he stepped up and transferred the infant into her arms before moving away to give them a few moments of privacy.

“I understand why Harry had to be put into a stasis pod, but why do we?” She asked Chakotay.

“There isn’t time to explain, just trust me. Can you do that?” He replied, reaching up to stroke her cheek. He could see it in her eyes, the questioning look that demanded answers. “I promise to tell you everything later.”

Reluctantly she nodded. “I trust you.”

Smiling, he leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. Parting, he said. “I can’t imagine a day without you in my life. I love you, Kathryn.”

She smiled. “I love you too, always.”

After kissing his daughter on the top of her head, he lowered the lid and activated the pod. Watching her through the port, her eyes closed. The Doctor came over and checked their vital signs, making sure they were steady. Taking a breath, he tore himself away.


	8. Chapter 8

Stepping into the forward section Tom called out to Seven. “How close are they?”

“Approximately three-hundred meters and closing.” She replied.

Chakotay took the co-piolets seat. “What about the rupture?”

“It’s still open, baring two-three-six mark eight-two-four,” Tom answered.

A blast hit the shuttle, meaning only one thing, they had been fired upon. The console in front of Tom flickered just before a blue bolt of electricity reached forth it’s hand and struck him, hitting his face and chest, tossing him back in his chair.

“Ayala!” Chakotay yelled. “Take Tom back to the stasis pod. We’ll treat him once we get back.”

“Aye, sir!” He acknowledged, then turned the chair toward him and reached down to lift him up and over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

They were losing altitude, and the command relays that normally would have allowed him to transfer helm control to his station had burned out. Quickly, Chakotay accessed the control panel under the console. Switching the processing chips, he manually transferred control to his station. Standing, he accessed the console and fired the forward thrusters to slow them down before reclaiming his seat. “Status!” He barked, reacquiring their exit point.

“Warp drive is offline, and we’ve sustained heavy damage to the port nacelle.” She replied continuing to tap the controls. “And we’ve lost power to one stasis pod.”

“Which one?”

“Ensign Kim’s.”

“Reroute power from transporters.”

“It’s not enough.”

The only thing left they could use was the power from the scattering field. If they reallocated it, the only thing they had to protect themselves was shields, and it wouldn’t be enough if that warship were waiting for them on the other side. If they still had warp it would increase their chances for survival. “Reroute power from the scattering field.”

“Commander-”

“I know what you’re going to say but we don’t have a choice.”

Reluctantly she compiled. “The stasis unit is back online.”

“That’s one less problem we’ll have to worry about. Now, all we have to do is survive our trip back to _Voyager_.” He commented as they broke through the ionosphere. “We should reach the subspace rupture in ten seconds.” As the seconds clicked off, Chakotay stared out the viewport, looking for a visual, then he found it. “Modulate the shields, we’re about to enter.” He told her.

“Modulation complete.” She replied coolly.

It wasn’t the smoothest of rides, but they made it. Just as he suspected the warship was waiting for them. “Oh hell.”

“They are charging weapons.”

“Switching to evasive maneuvers.”

“Commander, they are not targeting us.”

“Then who?”

“The subspace rupture, something is emerging.”

“What is it?”

She tapped the controls, confirming her readings. “It appears to be a creature.”

“The winged creatures?”

“No Commander, one large creature. I suggest we vacate the area.”

“Agreed. Hang on.” Activating the impulse drive, he kicked it up to maximum.

Behind them, the alien warship fired on the rupture, attempting to seal it before the creature could emerge. If they had been hunting these creatures, using them to train young soldiers, they did not know if these creatures could survive in a vacuum, and as large as it was, didn’t want to find out.

Chakotay didn’t look back even though he wanted to know exactly what was happening. The data their sensors were collecting showed that the alien warship wasn’t doing well, the creature was still emerging.

An eternity seemed to pass, each person wondering how this would end. They were given an answer. The creature emerged from the rupture like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Its large black wings unfurled against the backdrop of space, its massive frame hiding the rupture. It opened its mouth as if to scream its outrage, producing no sound. As it propelled itself rapidly toward the warship. They fired, hitting it in the chest. Its mouth opened to scream again, no one heard.

The creature with its large jagged teeth and floating neon yellow blood, clamped its jaw down onto the ship, impaling it before opening the powerful jaws a second time to take it into its mouth completely.

Minutes later the ship exploded within the creature’s stomach, propelling the blood and body in several directions. Then it was still.

 _“That’s what must have happened to the alien ship pursuing us, they were damaged or destroyed by the creature, that’s why they didn’t fire again.”_ He thought, heading for home. _“It followed us, and if the warship hadn’t of been there, we’d probably be dead.”_ The thought made a chill run down his back he found difficult to shake. They were alive, and the people on that warship were dead. Leaving behind their friends and family, just as they had, but there was a difference, they might see theirs again someday.

***

Until they pulled the information from the _Delta Flyer’s_ navigational sensors, they couldn’t know the exact moment the _Flyer_ was pushed into subspace. Without that knowledge, the Doctor couldn’t treat them. Acclimating Harry, Kathryn, and the baby would be a delicate procedure, it had to be done gradually or it would kill them.

After treating the plasma burns to Tom’s face, neck, hands, and chest; he was released back to quarters to rest. Not more than an hour had passed before Seven discovered another ship matching the size and signature of the warship that was destroyed by the creature. At its present course and speed, they would reach the system in three hours.

Tom is an extraordinary pilot, and Chakotay couldn’t think of anyone better suited to navigate around the large droplets of the corrosive neon yellow blood than him. Seven would once again be joining the away team along with Carey, Vorik, and Coyle. With the four of them repairing the _Flyer_ , he would be able to take care of some unfinished business.

Once repairs had begun, Chakotay took the cloth wrapped items and headed for the caves. Reaching the entrance, he snapped on his wrist beacon before heading inside, making his way back to the spot he had buried Kathryn’s placenta. Seeing the pile of stones, he’d used to mark the spot, he knelt in front of it and set the items down on the ground.

Removing the rocks, he used his phaser to dig around it. Once it was uncovered, he picked up the Starfleet blanket and set it aside. Opening the cloth wrapped items, he picked up one of the two beaded bags. Opening it, he carefully transferred the placenta into the bag before reburying it.

Taking the second beaded bag, he used a small harpoon gun to hang it from the ceiling. The strong thin line would hold the bag over the one he’d buried. His people believed that after a woman gives birth, the placenta must be taken and placed into a special bag to help ward off evil spirits. The second bag is then suspended directly over it to lure away any evil spirits that would cause the child harm. Now that this was done, he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders.

Closing his eyes, he laced his fingers together. “Great spirt, mother of all life. I ask that you keep watch over my daughter, to protect her against those spirits who would cause her harm. May the presence of your spirit teach her the meaning of kindness, compassion, and understanding, so she may learn the mysteries of the universe.”

Opening his eyes, he left the caves and headed for Harry and Kathryn’s shelter to collect the crib and rocking chair she asked for.

***

With only fifteen minutes to spare, the repairs were completed. Chakotay, Coyle, and Vorik would remain in the _Flyer_ while Tom, Seven, and Carey stayed in the shuttle. Once they were on the other side, Seven would fire the modified photon torpedo and seal the rupture, permanently.

The plan went off without a hitch, and Chakotay wasn’t the only one who was relieved. There had been too many surprises and close calls lately, and everyone was happy to be going back to the Suh's homeworld to finish repairs.

The Doctor was pleased to get the information he requested, and by his calculations, the Flyer had entered the rupture sixty-eight hours ago. Comparing that with the rate of cellular decay he finally had the last piece of the puzzle. Armed with that knowledge, he would modify the pods to emit a chronotron pulse to bring them back to speed with the rest of them. This process would have to be done gradually, taking a total of eight and a half weeks.

Since they were in stasis they didn’t age, and the wounds they’d sustained would have to be treated upon reanimation. The Doctor would use those eight weeks to develop a counteragent, neutralizing the poison in Harry’s system. If it wasn’t for the corrosive blood on the hull of the shuttle when the away team returned, he may still have been looking.

Inside a week, the damage to _Voyager_ had been repaired. During that time, he had studied the schematics for his and Kathryn’s quarters. Now that they had a child, he decided it was time to combine their quarters. Once the repairs were completed, they’d begin renovation.

He had consulted with B’Elanna on the specs. and Tuvok for any security issues that may crop up. Everyone pitched in to help, and he appreciated it. He, B’Elanna, and Carey drew up the plans for the layout. Coyle and Morrow drew up plans to reroute environmental systems leaving Vorik and Nicolette to draw up plans to reallocate power distribution throughout the remodeled quarters. It took over six weeks to complete the work, but the result was well worth the effort. Looking at the finished product, B’Elanna commented on how jealous she was, then added jokingly that if there weren’t a baby involved, she never would have helped.

Their quarters were big. Not to mention roomy. It consisted of three bedrooms; one being used as an office. Two 'freshers, one in the bedroom and the other between the two smaller bedrooms. The living room was huge, and in the far back corner next to the viewports was their dining area.

It took a little over a week to put all personal items in their proper places. He kept her bed since it was larger and placed the crib and rocking chair in the nursery. He’d received so many stuffed animals, clothes, toys, diapers, and other assorted baby items he wasn’t sure if it would all fit, but they did.

On the day Kathryn and Harry were to be awakened, he found himself straightening and cleaning, trying to make sure everything was perfect for Kathryn and their daughter. When he finally entered sickbay, he waited nervously for the Doctor to begin. Had he calculated the time correctly? Did he apply too strong or too weak a chronotron pulse? Would the serum he created neutralize the poison in Harry’s system before it reached his heart? These were only a fraction of the questions that kept running through his mind. Something could go wrong, and in his case, seemed to happen often. He wasn’t necessarily the luckiest person when it came down to it.

After all this time Kathryn was his, and every day he expected to wake up and discover it wasn’t true. That they were only friends, but when he’d wake up beside her his heart would beat a little faster.

He wanted to go through the pregnancy with her, to see her stomach grow large over the months knowing she was carrying his child. Harry went through it with her instead. _“Poor Harry.”_ He thought and made a mental note to speak with him later about it, wanting to know what she was like during her pregnancy. Harry was also the first person to see his daughter emerge into the world. He wanted to thank him, repay him for taking care of Kathryn, but that would have to wait.

Chakotay watched as Tom and the Doctor activated the pods, scanning as they came to life. Both Harry and Kathryn opened their eyes. Their limbs stiff from weeks of non-use. Immediately the Doctor placed the hypospray to Harry’s neck, then scanned him. It would take a few moments to see if the serum he created would work. It was tense, but when the Doctor smiled, he knew Harry was going to be all right.

"Chakotay," Tom called. "The captain wants to see you." Meeting him halfway he added. "Don’t be too long, we still have to take care of her injuries."

"Understood." He smiled, and Tom smiled back before walking away. Reaching the pod, he looked down and said. "Welcome back." Then laid his hand on hers.

"How long were we in stasis?" She asked as every muscle in her body seemed to tingle all at once, coming back to life.

"Eight and a half weeks."

"That long?" She appeared stunned for a moment.

"I have a surprise for you."

"Surprise? What surprise?"

"You’ll see when the Doctor releases the both of you from sickbay." He replied then stroked his daughter’s cheek with his finger.

"You know how much I hate it when you do that. Now it’s going to drive me crazy."

"I know." He smiled mischievously and she laughed. "Well, I’d better get out of the way and let them get to work. I’ll see you in a while." She nodded. Leaning over, he kissed her softly on the lips, and the brief contact was making him crazy. He hadn’t been able to touch her for nearly nine weeks, whereas in Kathryn’s case it only seemed like seconds had passed. Forcing himself to pull away, he squeezed her hand, kissed the top of their daughter’s head, then left.

***

After spending a few hours in sickbay, Kathryn and their daughter could go home. On the birth certificate, her name would read Avenal Alline Janeway. Named in the memory of her two ancestors, Chakotay didn’t protest.

As they headed for their quarters, it was obvious that she was still a little sore. The Doctor had given her the next four weeks to rest but making her rest would be a whole different story. As they walked, Chakotay carried Avenal while Kathryn walked next to him, her arm linked in his.

Reaching their quarters, he said. “Before we go in, I want you to know that there have been a few changes made to accommodate our family.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Am I sure I really want to go in?”

“I think you’ll like it, at least I hope you do.” He replied then punched in his security code. Kathryn gave him a lop-sided grin then entered. Her hands flew over her mouth, stifling a surprised cry.

“You don’t like it.” He said, mistaking her reaction.

Turning to him, she grasped his arm firmly and looked him in the eye. “No, it’s wonderful. When you said you had a surprise for me, I never expected this.” Closing the distance, she tilted her head back, leaning forward. “Thank you.” She spoke softly before bestowing a gentle kiss upon his lips.

He felt lightheaded, her kiss at times had that effect on him. If only they could stay like this forever. The baby stirred and let out a cry, forcing them to pull back.

“I think she’s hungry,” Kathryn explained upon seeing his uncertain expression. “She hasn’t eaten yet.”

“Have you decided if you’re going to breastfeed her?”

“I’m going to try and see how it goes, that’s all I can promise.”

He smiled. “Fair enough. Why don’t I show you the nursery and you can do it there?” She nodded.

Leading her into the room she said. “The crib and rocker, you got them for me. Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

Taking a seat in the rocking chair, Chakotay placed the baby in her arms before turning to retrieve an ordinary chair from the corner. Unbuttoning her shirt, she released a breast from her bra and guided the nipple into Avenal’s mouth, cutting the cry short.

Placing the chair just to the right of hers, he sat down to watch as the sounds of pain and discomfort passed her lips. She knew it would be painful and uncomfortable since her nipples were extremely sensitive, but it would get easier in time. Putting his hand on the back of her neck, he rubbed gently, trying to be as comforting as he could. She visibly relaxed at his touch; it did help distract her somewhat.

The Doctor had cleaned her up before administering treatment, but she still felt dirty, not to mention sore. Turning her head, she caught him staring at her.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He replied, shaking his head slightly.

She frowned. “Spill it.”

A smile formed on his lips. “I was just thinking.”

“About?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Lots of things, mostly you.”

“You’re not going to try babying me?” She began sounding annoyed.

Raising a hand, he said. “No, I know how much you hate that, but I will insist that you follow the Doctor’s orders. However, what I was thinking was how amazing you look.”

“I look horrible.” She protested.

Releasing her neck, he cupped her cheek. “You look beautiful.” He insisted, she smiled. “I just wish I could have gone through your pregnancy with you. When the Doctor told me, you were pregnant I wanted to be there.”

“You were there for the most important part.” She replied laying her hand over his. “I wanted you there too.” Squeezing his hand, she pulled it away but held it. “I put Harry through hell, and he took it extremely well even though it wasn’t his child. He was prepared to be a father to her, and I can’t help but admire him for that. He’s going to make a wonderful father someday, that is if he ever finds himself a good woman. He hasn’t had the best of luck.”

“Not yet.” He agreed. “But he will, I have no doubt about it.” Several moments of silence passed, each wondering what the other was thinking. “Kathryn?”

“Hmm?” She replied, watching as their daughter continued to suckle her breast.

“What was it like for the two of you?”

She could tell by the tone of his voice there was something nagging at him. Looking into his face, she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’ve known you long enough to know when something is bothering you. Now, tell me what it is.”

He bowed his head, shaking it. Letting out a sigh he investigated her face. “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

Looking down at their hands she let out a breath. “I needed to get off the ship for a while, and if I told you I was pregnant you would have insisted I stay here.”

“The Doctor seems to think the reason you didn’t tell me has to do with Seska.”

Her head snapped up. “Seska? How did he ever manage that theory?” She asked perplexed.

“We’ve only been together two months, and he thought that since our relationship was so new you didn’t say anything because you didn’t want to make me feel trapped.” She appeared thoughtful for a moment. “I suppose it makes sense. However, I knew you would accept this child, but I didn’t want you to feel I’d pushed this on you somehow. I wasn’t ready to discuss it until I came to terms with the idea of being a mother.” She sighed. “I was completely overwhelmed by the knowledge that I was carrying a life inside me. I’m sorry for what I put you though before I left.”

“It’s all right.” He smiled as if to prove it. “At least now I understand the reason.”

Having felt the sucking motion slow over the last few minutes, it finally ceased to a halt. “Looks like someone’s fallen asleep.” She said pulling her daughter back.

“Here, let me take her.” Chakotay offered, standing. With a nod, she handed her over.

Chakotay headed for the crib as Kathryn slipped her breast back into her bra before buttoning her shirt. Once he’d laid Avenal on her back, he switched on the scanner and monitor before turning to Kathryn who was trying to stand. Heading for her, he took her hands and pulled her to her feet, then into his arms. She let out a small gasp when he pulled her close. With his arms wrapped around her waist, she rested her hands on his biceps.

“How would you like a nice hot bath?” He asked.

She smiled. “Like you’re reading my mind.”

“You change into your robe and I’ll draw it for you.”

“That sounds wonderful, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Giving her a kiss on the forehead he hugged her gently.

She hugged him back, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms again. After several seconds she heard him take in a sharp breath. Concerned she pulled back and saw his wet cheeks. Reaching up, she gently held his face, brushing the tears away with her thumbs. “What is it, honey?”

“I thought I’d lost you forever, after all this time. I couldn’t bear the thought that I’d never see you again. I don’t ever want to lose you.”

It wasn’t hard for her to cry since her hormones were still out whack. She hated feeling this way. “I know.” She said softly. “While Harry and I were stuck on the planet, I’d spent many a night crying myself to sleep. The reality was I thought I’d never see you again, at least that’s what I believed. Harry would try to console me when he caught me crying, and I would resist because it only made me feel worse. It got worse the closer I came to giving birth. Just the mention of your name was enough to fill me with grief. I didn’t want to have to raise our baby without you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life in love with you, and I couldn’t. You weren’t there . . .”

He touched her face, wiping away the tears before lifting her chin with his finger. Staring deeply into her eyes, he wanted her to know he meant every word he was about to say. “I wanted to be there, to share this with you, to love you all the days of my life. Don’t ever doubt how much I love you, Kathryn, you can’t begin to imagine how strong this feeling is, or how lost I would be without you.”

“Oh, Chakotay.” She breathed before pulling him down to kiss her.

It was slow but infinitely sweet, the taste of his lips having not been forgotten. She’d dreamt about him many times over the last eight months, his touch, his smell, his taste. All the things that kept him fresh in her mind, that she’d never let go of.

Their kiss had become more passionate, his hands stroking her back, as hers were his. He wanted to hold her in his arms forever, to stay in this moment. He had committed her taste, touch, and smell to memory years ago, never wanting to forget the only woman he’d fallen so hopelessly in love with.

Until she became a part of his life, he thought he knew love, and he had, but this was different. They say in all the universe there is someone for everyone. In all of space, all the infinite possibilities and dimensions, one rarely ever finds that person. But here, in the uncharted regions of the Delta Quadrant, he found her when he wasn’t looking. How does that happen? 

Ending the kiss, he leaned forward slightly while bending his knees, scooping her up carefully into his arms as she wraps her arms around his neck, laying her head on his shoulder. Exiting the nursery, he carried her into the bedroom and laid her down gently. Moving away, he slid the door closed and turns on the baby monitor before sitting down beside her and laid a hand on her stomach, which still had a slight bulge to it. “I’ve never been very good at conveying my innermost feelings, I wish I had the words.” She said.

Smiling, he placed his finger over his lips. “You don’t have to. I know how much you love me every time our eyes meet. You don’t have to try and explain; actions speak louder than words, and yours is a symphony of subtle gestures only I truly understand because I love you not only with my heart but with my soul.”

Leaning over, he kissed her softly but his need and love for her were evident. It wasn’t a sexual need - which she was certain he felt - but the need a person has for someone they can’t live without. She felt the same way about him. It nearly killed her when she thought she’d never see him again. That the only thing she’d have left of him was their child. _“Poor Harry.”_ She thought. _“I put you through hell and you took it, but you also spoke up when it was too much to take. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for everything you’ve done. I’ll have to do that when you’re well.”_

Pulling away slightly, he stroked her cheek. “You stay here and rest for a few minutes while I get your bath ready all right?” She nodded. He smiled then stood up and disappeared into the ‘fresher. After several minutes, he came out and announced that her bath was ready. Offering his hands to help her stand up, she accepted.

Unbuttoning her shirt, his hands stopped hers and took over. When finished, he carefully pulled the shirt off before unclasping her bra. Her skin felt flush from his gentle touch, but this wasn’t about sex, at least not now. Unfastening her pants, he helped her remove them.

Tossing them all into a pile on the floor, he scooped her up into his arms. Heading into the bathroom, he carefully lowered her into the water and knelt beside her. Touching his hand, she smiled and asked. “Care to join me?”

“Alright.” He replied returning the smile and stood up. Undressing, he tossed his clothes into the recycler before stepping in behind her. Once he was settled, she leaned back against him as he slipped his arms around her waist, her hands resting on his forearms.

“I love you.” She said closing her eyes.

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you too, now relax.”

“Yes, sir.” She laughed softly and sighed content.

After about twenty minutes, he washed every part of her body, including her hair before getting out. Drying himself off, he slipped on his robe and tied it before taking a fresh towel to dry her while she sat sleepily on the edge of the tub. Wrapping her in the towel, he carried her back into the bedroom and laid her on her bed.

Sitting next to her, he rolled her onto her stomach and pulled the towel down to cover her bottom and part of her legs. Gently, he began massaging her shoulders, she moaned in pleasure and closed her eyes. He continued, massaging her body until she drifted peacefully to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Several hours later, Kathryn awoke to the sound of soft laughter mixed with what could be interpreted as cooing. Turning her head, a warm dim light filtered in through the frosted aluminum door from the living room. Rolling onto her back, she realized she was under the covers and still nude. Pushing them aside, she slowly stood and picked up her robe from the back of the chair and slipped it on. Tying the belt around her waist, she tiptoed to the door and quietly slid it open.

Leaning on the door frame with her arms crossed, she watched Chakotay sitting in the chair with his back to her holding Avenal in his arms, laughing softly as she kept squeezing and releasing his finger. The other hand stuffed in her mouth, sucking on her fist. Kathryn watched with a smile on her lips, enjoying the sight of them together. She knew he would be a wonderful father, loving their child with everything he had. She thought about joining them until he began speaking softly to Avenal.

“I know you don’t realize this yet, but you have a wonderful mother. She may be difficult to get along with at times, but she is your greatest ally. She will protect you fiercely and love unconditionally. When you’re older you’ll no doubt believe she’s being overprotective, but I’ll be worse than she ever will. You are my second miracle, and I feel extremely lucky because most people never get one.” Kissing her tiny fingers wrapped around his index finger he continues.

“Your mother was my first miracle. I’ve spent a good portion of my life looking for her, then when I stopped searching, she enters my life. I didn’t know it at first, I thought she was just another Starfleet officer doing her job. Then we got stuck out here in the Delta Quadrant and combined our crews to get home. I never thought for a moment she would be the woman I’d fall hopelessly, unabashedly, and completely in love with.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Maybe I’ll tell you how I came to love her someday, of how she became my wife.” Looking back down at her he smiled.

“Anyway, how I came to love your mother was not as hard as waiting for her to admit her feelings for me. I knew she loved me, deep in my soul I knew, but she wouldn’t admit it. It took her five years to allow herself to love and be loved, and I’m glad she did. If not, you wouldn’t be here, and now that you are, I can’t imagine a day without you.” Tears filled his eyes as he stroked her cheek. “I have everything I could ever want.”

Kathryn was crying too; his words had touched her deeply. Then she remembered hearing him call her his wife. _“Wife? He called me his wife.”_ She thought. Stepping up behind him, she laid her hands on his shoulders and causing him to jump slightly. “Kathryn? How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough.” She replied and took a seat on the arm of the chair. “You called me your wife.”

“Does that bother you?” He asked.

“No.” She smiled. “I liked it, but we’re not married.”

“Legally maybe, but the moment you gave life to our daughter and told me you loved me that was good enough for me. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, the first time we made love I gave you my soul, heart, and body. We were married at that moment.”

She touched his face and smiled. “Then that’s good enough for me too. All though I would like a ring and a proposal.”

“Then you’ll have it.” Picking Avenal up, he carried her back into the nursery and put her in her crib then returned to the living room where Kathryn was heading toward him. Taking her hands, he got down on one knee. “Kathryn Janeway, I love you with everything I have. I don’t want to spend another day without you. Would you make me the luckiest man in the universe and allow me the privilege of being your husband?”

 _“Oh, please don’t let me start crying again.”_ She thought, trying to force the tears back and lost. “Yes Chakotay, I would be honored to be your wife.”

Standing he pulled her into his arms. “May I kiss the bride?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Their lips met, the kiss binding them together as husband and wife. It was enough for them, and in the end, that’s all that mattered.

***

A little over a week later, Harry had fully recovered from his injuries and was released from sickbay, but like Kathryn, he was on medical leave for the next three weeks. At first, he enjoyed the time off, not having to fight for survival. In a way, he still was, along with everyone else on board, but it wasn’t quite as difficult or horrific as he and Kathryn had experienced.

He wanted to visit her and Avenal, see the baby he helped bring into the world, but he decided against it. Besides, she was probably tired of him after eight months of close personal contact. Then on the third day, he was playing a game of Kal-toe when his com badge chirped.

_“Janeway to Kim.”_

It felt odd hearing her call him by his last name, but they were no longer on the planet. “Kim here. What can I do for you, Captain?”

She paused, perhaps the formality felt odd to her as well. _“If you’re not too busy, I was hoping you’d join me, Chakotay, and Avenal for dinner this evening.”_

“Ahh . . . sure.” He stumbled, surprised. “What time?”

_“Nineteen-hundred all right with you?”_

“It’s fine. Should I bring anything?”

 _“Just yourself. We’ll see you then.”_ She said then broke the link.

Leaning back in his chair, he looked over at the chronometer, it was five after seventeen hundred. Letting out a long breath, he held the rod loosely in his hand as he stared back at the chaotic mass of rods before him. _“Why are you so uneasy? You know this woman, she’s your friend, nothing’s changed.”_ He told himself. That wasn’t true, everything changed the moment they were rescued.

When he passed out after delivering Kathryn’s daughter, he accepted beforehand that he was never going to wake up, that he was going to die. So, he was surprised to wake up in sickbay and found himself staring up at Tom and the Doctor’s smiling faces. They said he was going to be fine. If they only knew how wrong they were.

Physically yes, but mentally was a whole other story. He had changed so much, and it left him wondering if he really ‘fit in’ anymore or if he ever would again. For the last week, he’d awoken from a nightmare practically every night and irrationally called out for Kathryn, needing to know she was all right, that he wasn’t alone. The Doctor understood the reason for his nightmares and reassured him that they would fade in time. Perhaps, but it left him feeling embarrassed and unsettled. Maybe someday he’d be able to let go of his fears, but for now, they were intact.

***

At exactly nineteen-hundred, Harry rang the door chime. A disembodied voice belonging to Chakotay said. _“Come in.”_ When the door opened, the first thing he noticed was how roomy it was, then wondered how large Kathryn’s quarters were before they were modified to include Chakotay’s. “Harry, you’re right on time,” Chakotay said just as he was setting down the last plate on the dining table.

“The Captain did say nineteen-hundred.” He replied, trying to smile without letting his uneasiness creep through.

“I should have expected that you would be prompt.” He approached. “Kathryn’s in the middle of feeding Avenal at the moment, but she should be finished soon.” Gesturing toward the sofa he continued with a smile. “Have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?”

“No thanks, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, but thanks for the offer.”

Sitting in the chair across from his, Chakotay leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Commander.”

“We’re off duty Harry, call me Chakotay.” He nodded. “I’ve been wondering what Kathryn was like during her pregnancy.”

“Well . . .” He began, thinking it over. “Depressed, she missed you a great deal, and the thought she would have to raise your daughter in that dangerous environment was upsetting. In all honestly, I’d have to say I don’t know. If she were here her attitude would have been much different, she’d have you.”

“Fair enough.”

“Harry,” Kathryn said walking out of the nursery with Avenal asleep in her arms. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Thank you for inviting me, Captain.”

She seemed to frown at that. “Call me Kathryn, you’ve earned it,” then smiled.

“All right.”

“Would you like to see your goddaughter?” He looked confused. “You were partly responsible for bringing her into the world.” She explained with a smile and stepped closer.

“I’m honored.”

Carefully she placed her in his arms before taking a seat next to him. Looking down at the infant he couldn’t help but smile, she was a beautiful baby, or maybe he was just being biased.

“I’ve programmed the replicator to make that rice dish your mother used to make when you were a boy. I don’t know how good it will be.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” He replied, his smile genuine.

From that point on, the tension Harry felt about the situation evaporated. Dinner went off without a hitch, and the rice dinner wasn’t bad, in fact, it was surprisingly good. Later, Kathryn put Avenal back to bed after feeding her, then they retired to the living room for coffee.

Laughing Harry asked. “Do you remember the first time you drank coffee after we got the replicator back up?”

Kathryn moaned and rolled her eyes. Chakotay smiled and asked. “What happened?”

“We were seated at the table having breakfast when she asked for a cup. I didn’t think it was a good idea, but we made a deal that if she ate her breakfast, she could have one.” He began laughing so hard he had to stop for a second, causing Chakotay to laugh as well. “Anyway, after the first sip she had a disgusted expression and asked if I ordered coffee. I said yes, then she demanded I taste it, figuring that if I were playing a trick on her I wouldn’t drink it. Well, I took a sip and it was coffee. Satisfied by my reaction she took it back. She forced herself to drink half of it before getting this green look and I knew she was about to lose it. Nonchalantly she sat down the cup, pushed herself up, then ran into the ‘fresher.” He lost it again, howling with laughter, Chakotay did the same.

Kathryn looked annoyed. “All right now keep it down or you’re going to wake Avenal.”

Both men forced their volume to decrease but continued to laugh. “When she came out, she swore she’d never drink coffee again.” Harry finished.

Sitting next to each other on the sofa, Chakotay reached over and squeezed Kathryn’s leg as he laughed softly. She swatted his hand away. “Don’t touch me.” She said, pretending to be annoyed as a smile fought its way to her lips.

“You thought it was funny too admit it.” He prodded, lightly ticking her side. If she hadn’t of sat down her cup, he wouldn’t have done it.

Pushing his hands away she retorted. “I thought no such thing.”

“Admit it, Kathryn.” He continued tickling her more determined.

She fought him off but was losing horribly. Harry knew if she wasn’t amused, she wouldn’t have allowed it. Then she burst out laughing, gasping for air as he attacked her sides. “Stop! I can’t breathe!” He obeyed and pulled her back against his chest, one arm around her waist while the other rubbed her arm lightly. If she didn’t feel as relaxed around Harry as she did with Chakotay she wouldn’t have allowed him to display this kind of affection.

“Since we’re swapping stories,” she began with a lop-sided grin. “I seem to remember a certain Ensign - who shall remain nameless - who had his leg stuck in a thorn bush.” Harry visibly paled in embarrassment.

“What’s this?” Chakotay smiled interested.

“We were picking these orange berries we’d found approximately fifty meters from the shelter when I heard a yelp then the rustling of leaves. When I finally found him, he was facing the ground with both hands holding him up. He looked like he had been doing pushups except for his leg sticking to the bush.” Chakotay burst out laughing along with Kathryn.” It took almost twenty minutes to untangle his leg from it.”

“Only because you kept laughing so hard.” He added. “My arms were sore for days.” His admission only made them laugh harder. “Was it you or someone else who said to keep it down?”

She wiped at her eyes. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” Her lip continued to quiver, trying to hold back her laughter. “It really wasn’t that funny.” She managed before a fresh wave of laughter overcame her. She turned in Chakotay’s arms and buried her face in his chest.

Chakotay wrapped both arms around her, rubbing and patting her back as his laughter resumed. It was infectious. Harry put his embarrassment aside and began to laugh, finding the humor in it.

When the laughter died down, Kathryn pulled away from Chakotay and wiped her eyes. “Are you all right?” He asked, the laughter fading as he rubbed her back.

She nodded. “I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.”

“Just call me Harry - laugh at my expense - Kim.” Then smiled sincerely. She returned the smile. “Well, thanks for dinner but it’s getting late.” He said standing, Kathryn and Chakotay did the same.

“We’ll have to do this again sometime,” Chakotay said shaking his hand.

“I’d like that.”

“Goodnight Harry,” Kathryn said then hugged him.

It felt odd with Chakotay standing right behind her, but when he smiled and nodded, letting him know it was all right, he hugged her back. “Goodnight Kathryn, thanks for inviting me.”

“You’re most welcome.” Then released him. Giving them both a smile and a nod, he left. 

“I had a great time. I never knew he was so funny.” Chakotay said picking up their coffee cups and headed for the replicator. “Oh, are you finished with yours?”

“Yes, I’ve had enough.” She answered heading into the nursery. Quietly, she approached the crib and smiled, Avenal was sound asleep. The blanket had been pulled down and tangled around her feet. Carefully she untangled it, at one-point Avenal let out a short cry and looked like she was going to wake up. Kathryn rubbed her stomach gently. “It’s only me precious, go back to sleep.” She whispered. After several seconds, she was still, having returned to sleep. Drawing up the blanket to the middle of her chest, she stroked her cheek lightly with her finger, checked the monitor, then left.

Entering the bedroom, Chakotay had already changed into his t-shirt as he watched her choose a nightgown from the closet then asked. “How is she?”

“Out like a light.” She replied feeling his arms slip easily around her waist and stroke her now flat stomach.

Resting his chin on her shoulder he said. “I don’t know how much longer I can wait to touch you again.”

Reaching up she patted his cheek. “Just a few more weeks. Besides, your touching me got me into trouble in the first place.”

His hand slipped down between her legs, stroking her slowly. “I don’t recall hearing you complain.”

Leaning her head back against his shoulder she gasped. “We can’t do this.”

“We can’t make love, but I can touch you. Don’t you like it when I touch you?”

“You know I do.” She moaned.

“Then let me love you, Kathryn.” He said before kissing her neck.

Her hands reached up to his hair as the other held the back of his neck. Closing her eyes, she replied breathlessly. “Love me Chakotay. I want you to love me.”

He smiled against her neck. Pulling back, he scooped her up in his arms and carried to bed. Laying her down, he moved to lay on his side. Finding his mouth, she pulled him down to hers hungrily. For her, it had been a little over eight months, for him, ten weeks.

She kissed him thoroughly, reacquainting herself with the contours of his mouth, his taste. He kissed her just as voraciously, having been denied access to her for far too long. His hand stroked her body, gently caressing each breast before making his way south. Slipping his hand under the elastic of her pants and panties, he slipped two fingers between the soft silky folds and slipped inside. She gasped into his mouth as her body arched upward then settled back down again.

He pulled them out, knowing that if he continued it might cause injury. Finding the small cluster of nerves that would send her screaming, he began to rub the spot excruciatingly slow, working her toward release gradually.

She began rotating her hips, building up speed. He matched her progress, kissing her neck, nearly driving her out of her mind. Gripping his arm, he knew she was close. Seconds later, her mind exploded in a dazzling array of color and light as her whole body pushed upward.

He kept manipulating her, keeping her going until she screamed her release, unable to keep quiet any longer. Chakotay thought they had awakened Avenal for sure this time. He held her through the aftershocks while her body spasmed against him. Only when she had stilled did he pull his hand out.

Listening, he fully expected to hear their daughter crying, but there was nothing. “She’s not crying.”

Her mind was still rising out of the fog. “What?”

“Avenal, you screamed, and she hasn’t made a sound.” Sitting up he checked the monitor, she was alive.

Kathryn immediately headed to the nursery. There, lying peacefully in the crib, Avenal lay blissfully asleep. Raising her hands, she began clapping next to her ear. Nothing. “Avenal? Honey, can you hear me?” Nothing. “Avenal!” Kathryn shouted; her panic had taken over. “Open your eyes! Open them for mama!”

Chakotay entered just as she reached in and lifted her up. At that moment, Avenal cried, having been ripped from sleep. “She’s deaf Chakotay! I clapped next to her ear and she didn’t even flinch!”

Holding her by the shoulders he forced her to look at him. “Don’t panic. We’re no use to her if we do that.”

She took a deep breath, forcing herself to get a grip. “You’re right.”

Letting go, he grabbed Avenal’s blanket and helped Kathryn wrap her in it before carrying they’re now screaming and very frightened daughter to sickbay.


	10. Chapter 10

“It appears your daughter has Autosomal Recessive Non-Syndromic Hearing Loss.” The Doctor explained taking a seat behind his desk.

“Can it be reversed?” Kathryn asked, squeezing Chakotay’s hand.

“Yes.” He replied but didn’t sound too optimistic.

“You don’t sound very convinced.” She pointed out.

“The recognized disease-causing mutations in the GJB2 gene alter the protein connexin 26. This is usually reversed before the child is born, but there have been cases where it was done after birth.”

“Meaning what? That she’s going to remain this way?” She asked fighting tears.

“It’s not a certainty, but there’s a fifty-fifty chance this could be permanent yes.” She bowed her head as tears erupted, freeing themselves from her eyes. Chakotay pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back. “I’ll do everything I can Captain, I promise.”

“Could you leave us alone for a minute?” Chakotay asked, fighting back his own tears.

“Of course, Commander.” Standing he left, closing the door behind him, he went to work.

“I should have known there was something wrong earlier. We were laughing loud enough that it should have woke her up but didn’t.” She choked out.

“Perhaps, but this is something neither of us would have expected. As far as we knew she was all right. You heard the Doctor; this was non-syndromic. She could be fine one minute, then hours later it could rear its ugly head and strike without warning.”

“I know, but somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.” She replied pulling away from him and stood up. Moving to the glass she stared at their daughter laying in the incubation unit. “We sat there enjoying ourselves while she went deaf. I checked on her after Harry left, never guessing there was anything wrong, then I allowed myself to indulge my sexual desires while she lay cut off from the outside world. What kind of mother am I?” Tears slid across her cheeks again.

Stepping up behind her he put his hands on her shoulders. “You’re a wonderful mother, so I want you to stop beating yourself up over this. You can’t know everything, see everything when you think you should. You’re human just like the rest of us, riddled with all the faults we mere mortals share.”

“I hate it when you make sense, it really puts a damper on my mood.”

He smiled. Turning her toward him, he pulled her into his arms. “All we can do now is hope and wait.”

“I’m not leaving until I know something so don’t bother asking me.”

“I didn’t plan on it because I have no intention of leaving either or you.” He hugged her tighter, then kissed the top of her head.

***

For the next five days, they slept and ate in sickbay. The only time either of them left was to shower and change. Neelix brought them their meals but they hardly ate. Kathryn was breastfeeding Avenal, using the baby blanket to cover her so she could feed her in relative privacy as Chakotay leaned against the biobed across the room watching. The Doctor was working in his office. The doors slid open and Neelix stepped inside carrying a tray. “Good morning.” He said cheerily.

“Morning,” Chakotay replied, but there was no cheer to his voice.

Setting down the tray on a medical stand the Doctor allocated for this use he said. “I’ve scrambled up some Ferackin eggs with a touch of dill weed and a pinch of Rengoso, you’re favorite Captain.” She didn’t reply. Looking up, her back was to him, her head down. He looked to Chakotay with a puzzled expression.

“She’s asleep.” He explained and Neelix nodded in understanding. Quietly, he walked up behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Kathryn honey.” He called softly. “Wake up, Neelix’s here with our breakfast.”

Reaching up, she laid her hand over his and squeezed, opening her eyes slowly. Avenal shifted under the blanket. Kathryn could feel her sucking at her breast but was receiving nothing. Shifting in the lounge chair Tom and Harry brought up from storage, she pulled down the blanket and shifted Avenal in her arms. Slipping her breast back into her shirt, she pulled out the other and guided it into her mouth, cutting off her cry. Immediately she began to suck, appeased, and content. Taking the blanket, Chakotay covered her up. “Thank you,” Kathryn said sleepily, leaning her head back against the soft cushion of the chair, looking up at him through heavily lidded eyes.

“You’re welcome.” Leaning over her kissed her softly on the lips. “Let me know when you’re ready to eat.” She nodded. Squeezing her shoulder, he smiled before walking back to Neelix.

“I hate to say this Commander, but you took terrible. How much sleep have you had?”

“Very little when you have an infant.”

“How’s the Captain holding up?”

“She has her good and bad days, but she’s been handling it well under the circumstances.”

“Any change?”

Chakotay shook his head. “The Doctor says it’s too early to tell, but if the treatment works, she should begin hearing something with the next three days.”

“She’ll get her hearing back Commander, I’m sure of it. We have the best doctor in the quadrant if anyone can do it, he can.”

“Thank you, Neelix.” He said placing a hand on his shoulder and smiled. “I certainly hope so.”

“Let me know when you’ve finished breakfast and I’ll be back in a jiffy to get the tray.”

“I will.”

“Please try to eat, you both need your strength.” When he nodded, Neelix offered him a smile then left.

Moving over to the tray, he noticed Kathryn shift Avenal again in her arms, only this time she was finished. Slipping her breast back into her bra, she buttoned her shirt before standing up to place their daughter back into the incubation unit. Immediately he noticed she had fallen back to sleep, her stomach full. In a few hours, she would awaken wanting to be fed again.

Returning to the lounge chair, Kathryn laid back down. Rolling the instrument tray with their breakfast over to her, he saw that she had closed her eyes, attempting to find sleep. Picking up the tray, he unfolded the stand beneath it and sat it over her legs then sat down on the lounge chair facing her. “Kathryn it’s time to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” She replied, eyes closed.

“You have to eat something since you didn’t eat last night.”

“I said no.” She said angrily, opening her eyes.

“Look, I know you’re upset, but don’t take it out on me. This whole situation bothers the hell out of me too, I’m not immune to it.” He was trying to keep a cool head, someone had to, nothing would be accomplished if he allowed himself to argue with her.

“I don’t want to eat Chakotay so just let it go.”

“Kathryn,” he began softly. “How are you supposed to keep producing milk that’s good for Avenal if you don’t eat? If you won’t do it for me then at least do it for her.”

Sighing, she nodded. Picking up her fork she reluctantly began eating the eggs Neelix had made, washing them down with milk.

This whole situation was wearing on them, each becoming more on edge as time wore on. Chakotay began to wonder if their relationship would suffer if the unthinkable happened. He loved her with all his heart, but she kept trying to distance herself to prevent being hurt. He knew that tactic well, but eventually, she would come around, she always did.

For now, all he could do was remain tolerant and patient, letting her know he was here to support her. Avenal was his daughter too, and it tore him apart knowing that her condition could remain permanent. Taking the chance of starting another argument he said. “We can’t go on this way. Something has to change before we end up hating each other.”

“I know.” She agreed, her voice barely above a whisper. “We’re both feeling the strain.”

He took her hand. “Whatever happens, we can’t allow this to destroy what’s between us, we’ve been through too much together. I won’t let go of what we have, not without a fight.”

“Nor will I.” She smiled and squeezed his hand. “I love you too much to let that happen.”

Leaning over the tray between them he kissed her. “After breakfast, I thought it might be nice for us to get out of here for a while.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Kathryn I’m not trying to drag you away, but we need to do something besides sitting around here worrying. Whatever the outcome, our being here or not won’t change that. We need to take our minds off it for a little while.”

She shook her head. “I can’t walk out until I know one way or the other.”

“If you just-”

Raising a hand, she interrupted. “I’m not leaving so drop it.”

He sighed frustrated. “If that’s what you want.” The conversation stopped as both continued to eat their breakfast in silence.

**Three Days Later . . .**

Chakotay felt better having had a hot shower and putting on fresh clothes. Kathryn was still in sickbay, refusing to leave Avenal’s side. When he returned, she would then leave long enough to shower and change, a ritual they’d fallen into. To him, their relationship seemed to be deteriorating as their daughter’s condition remained unchanged.

"Commander Chakotay’s personal log, stardate 50128.3." He sighed and sat down on the sofa. Leaning his head on the softback he closed his eyes. "I don’t know what to do." He began then paused, his mind a jumble of various thoughts and emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. "I feel as if Kathryn’s slipping away from me and I don’t know how to stop it. She’s consumed by guilt, feeling that she may have done something while she was pregnant to cause this. Who knows, maybe she did, but what good does it do for her to keep beating herself up over it?

"She’s changed, we both have, but she’s becoming someone else and not the woman I fell in love with. We don’t talk anymore, and when we do it’s about Avenal’s condition. I haven’t seen her really smile since this whole thing blew up in our faces almost two weeks ago. I want my wife back; I want the woman who used to say I love you. The woman who would lay in my arms as we slept. The woman who’d wake me with a kiss and a smile. How do I get her back? Is it even possible?" He sighed. "Maybe she’s gone, and if that’s true I’ll have lost two people; Kathryn, and the man I’ve become because without her I no longer exist."

He fell silent, letting the steady hum of Voyager envelop his senses, then as an afterthought, he said. "Computer, end log." Forcing himself to stand, he left their quarters and headed back to sickbay.

***

Eight days had come and gone, and there was no change. If she were going to regain her hearing there should have been some sign, but the time for signs was over. Their daughter was deaf, that was the cold hard unabridged truth. Kathryn seemed ambivalent, torn between her hopes and acceptance. "Thank you, Doctor." She said, but it sounded cold, detached.

"I still haven’t exhausted every viable treatment, but to be completely honest I don’t think it will change her condition. However, I am developing a possible alternative."

"What did you have in mind?" Chakotay asked.

He looked reluctant. "It’s too early to know if it will work so I don’t want to fill you with false hope. When I know something, I’ll discuss it with you at that time."

"I understand." He replied.

"I’m going to release Avenal from sickbay. Besides the inability to hear, she’s healthy." Turning to Janeway he continued. "However, you’re still on medical leave, so I want you to take it easy and get plenty of rest."

She was all argued out. "Yes, Doctor." Carrying Avenal in her arms, she left sickbay with Chakotay behind her.

They made their way to their quarters in silence. She was still in shock over the news, Chakotay knew, and when it finally sunk into her consciousness, she would be like a spitting cobra. _“Please give me the strength to see us through this.”_ He prayed to any god, any entity, any spirit who would listen.

Entering their quarters, Kathryn headed into the nursery and put Avenal in her crib. For the last couple of days, she’d barely spoken to him, and when she had it wasn’t more than a few words. Tucking her in she turned on the monitor, stroked her head, then entered the living room.

Chakotay stood a few feet away from the door of their bedroom, knowing that’s where she was headed next and he was right. Walking past him, he reached out and grasped her hand, stopping her. She didn’t attempt to pull away, only stood there facing the door. "Talk to me Kathryn, don’t try to deal with this by yourself." She said nothing, her position unchanged. "What can I do to help?"

"Nothing." She answered, almost a whisper.

"I don’t know what else to do. I’m tired in my mind, I’m tired in my body, I’m tired in my heart . . . you’re not the only one who’s suffering over this." He could feel his anger rising, reaching an apex, teetering dangerously close to the edge of the abyss, and her silence had made what little self-control he had left slip away.

Spinning her around he pushed her back against the wall, pinning her to it by the arms. The blank expressionless stare she had donned vanished and was replaced by undisguised fear. "You’re killing me, Kathryn! Your god damned killing me!" Releasing her he broke down in tears. His legs went out from under him. He hadn’t expected to become so overwhelmed by his emotions. They consume him from the inside, eating away at him like a flesh-eating parasite. "I need you. I need you so much it hurts." He sobbed, barely intelligible.

The fear she had briefly experienced faded, making her realize that she was once again shutting him out. Avenal was his daughter too; she knew that but had irrationally assumed that he was immune to feeling this level of pain. _“How could you think such a thing? What in the hell has gotten into you?”_

Kneeling, she wrapped her arms around him, holding him as he cried. Grasping her arm, he held her close, not wanting to lose contact. "Please don’t leave me, Kathryn, don’t throw away what we have, I don’t know if I could take it."

"I’m not going to leave you, we're too much a part of each other." She replied stroking his head, tears falling freely from her eyes. "I need you too, always have, even when I couldn’t admit it. I just don’t know how to handle this. Do I accept that our daughter will remain deaf, or do I cling to the hope of the Doctor developing a treatment that will restore her hearing? But I also can’t shake the thought I may have done something to cause it."

After the tears began to slow, he sat down on the floor and took her into his arms. "I would never tell you or anyone else to give up hope. Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps us going, but you shouldn’t blame yourself. Right now, it doesn’t matter, what’s done can’t be undone, and no amount of self-punishment can change that. We have to stay strong, support each other."

"Oh, Chakotay,” she breathed, “how could I have been so selfish?"

"We’re all selfish every now and then, as much as we don’t want to be, but you’re not alone Kathryn, what affects you affects me as well. We can’t keep going like we’re two separate people anymore, we’re a family."

She nodded against his shoulder. "You’re right, we have to face this together." Then took a deep breath. Exhaling slowly, she began letting go of her anger, her fears, all the things that had been eating away at her before it received a second wind and regained strength. She was tired of not allowing herself to love or be loved, of not admitting she was weak. That was the big one.

A Captain is supposed to instill courage in others, and under no circumstance do they show weakness. That was fine for a captain who wasn’t stranded thirty-thousand light-years from home, who could maintain a comfortable distance from their crew. She had tried all that, but it doesn’t work out here, a lot of the protocols and procedures she’d grown to rely on didn’t work out here. It was time to change the rules, or as Seven would say ‘adapt’.

When she began this journey, she had a long and prosperous career in Starfleet, a fiancée she loved and adored a ship under her command, and plenty of time to enjoy herself. She didn’t have those things anymore, and that angered her more than all the warp core breeches, hostile aliens, and temporal anomalies combined. She’d lost herself out here, and it took one ex-Starfleet maquis captain to change all that.

She had allowed herself to begin again, start a new life. Now she had a daughter and a husband whom she loved dearly. At what point had she changed into this woman? Perhaps she’d never know, but what she did know was that she had no intention of losing the two most important people in her life, not now, not ever.

"What do you say we go to bed?" She suggested. "In the morning we can start over, take this together one day at a time."

"I’d like that." He smiled and kissed the top of her head before pulling her up to stand with him. With one arm wrapped around the other's waist, they headed into the bedroom, feeling a glimmer of hope for the first time since this whole thing began. Tonight, they would sleep in each other’s arms, and tomorrow, awaken to the dawn of a new day.

***

Nanoprobes, that was his idea. In the past, he’d used them to cure Harry after being attacked by species 8472. He’d also seen them used to bring Neelix back to life. They can reach areas in the body no person could, repairing the organ or tissue from the inside out. Despite all that, there were no guarantees.

For nearly a month he’d been modifying and reprogramming the probes, each day bringing a new obstacle or challenge to overcome. Sometimes he felt as if he were wasting his time, then he’d make a new discovery, encouraging him to continue. Perhaps he’d have some good news for the Captain and Commander, but now there wasn’t enough of it to say anything. For now, he would continue his research, working toward a treatment that would restore Avenal’s hearing, and with any luck, he’d be able to do just that.

***

Almost two months had passed and both Kathryn and Chakotay were coming to terms with the fact that their child would remain deaf. It wasn’t easy, sometimes it was all either of them could do to force themselves out of bed.

Over the last month, Kathryn had been teaching Chakotay sign language, and for some reason, it felt odd. She never thought she’d have to use it again after losing contact with Diane so many years ago.

Diane Ashcroft was her roommate during her fourth year at the academy, and completely deaf. At first, she wondered why Starfleet had allowed her to join, then she eventually realized that not everyone who went through the academy was going to be placed aboard a starship. She was a technical engineer, specializing in holographic systems. When they graduated, Diane was sent to work in a research facility on Mars while she reported for her first assignment aboard the Albatoni under the command of Owen Paris.

Diane was funny, kind, thoughtful, generous, and extremely intelligent. If she weren’t deaf, she would have made one hell of a captain, but she was never interested in command. No, she was happier being immersed in technical manuals rather than debating the finer points of temporal mechanics.

After graduation they continued to remain in touch for a while, sending the occasional letter when time permitted, but after two years the letters stopped, each of them gaining more responsibility as time wore on. Then one morning, six years before she would make that epic journey to the delta quadrant, she was reading the paper over her morning coffee when she came across an article regarding an attack on a holographic research station near the Romulan border. The station had sustained massive damage, killing more than one-hundred people, one of them being Lieutenant Commander Diane Ashcroft. She remembered feeling numb, not wanting to accept that this was the same Diane she’d been friends with so many years ago, that someone had made a mistake, but there was no mistake, she was dead.

Stepping into their quarters, she saw Chakotay sitting on the sofa with Avenal laying face down on his stomach. He was singing a lullaby, letting her feel the vibration of his chest against her own. Kathryn could hear her squealing with delight as she reached up to grab his chin, not quite able to touch it.

Smiling she said. "Well, you two look like you’re having fun."

Looking up he smiled then looked back at Avenal. Raising the octave of his voice he replied. "Yes, we are, aren’t we?"

Laughing softly, she crossed the room and joined him on the sofa. Lifting Avenal up, he put his lips to her stomach and blew against it, making a loud flapping sound. She squealed with laughter while gripping his hair in her tiny fingers, pulling toward her. "Ouch!" He cried pulling her back. "Let go of daddy’s hair."

Reaching up, Kathryn pried open her tiny hands and released her death grip. Holding her up to look him in the eyes he said. "You’re getting to be more and more like your mother every day." Avenal just laughed and grabbed his nose with one hand as the other hooked his bottom lip, pulling it toward her.

Seeing his lip stretched out like that made Kathryn burst into laughter. Turning his head as far as he could to look at her, he attempted to say. "You think this is funny?" But came out as. "Eue fink dis is unny?" Which only made her laugh harder.

When she lost her grip on his lip, he laid her back down on his chest before she could reclaim it. "You could have helped me." He said pretending to sound hurt.

"I could have, but we girls have to stick together." She replied with a smile then looked down at Avenal. Reaching out, she allowed her to grip her finger. "Don’t we?" The infant laughed in agreement.

"Oh, so that’s how it is?" He replied raising an eyebrow. "I’ll be sure to remember that when we have a son."

"A son huh? What makes you think we’re going to have another baby?" She challenged.

Holding their daughter to his chest with one arm, he slipped the other around her waist and pulled her to him. "I can be very persuasive." He retorted then kissed her passionately.

The feel of his lips, soft but firm against her own, made a shiver run down her back. She wanted this man, she wanted to give him everything he desired. No man had ever made her feel so loved, so special. He would deny her nothing.

When his lips left hers, she was still for a moment, her eyes opening slowly to see the look of desire reflecting at her. He wanted her, now, at this moment as he did him.

"Are you thinking what I’m thinking Chakotay?"

"Oh yes, but do you think it’s wise?"

"Probably not."

"We only have to wait four more days."

"That seems like an eternity."

"I’ll make it worth the wait." He said, smiling mischievously. "Besides, if you could go without for five years then four days should be a walk in the park."

"You’re right." She agreed. "But I expect you to keep your promise."

"You can count on it."

Laying on his chest, Avenal could feel it vibrate as he spoke. She couldn’t understand what he was saying, but she felt safe. The sounds of the outside world were no longer there, silence had become her companion. She was a little over two months old, how was she supposed to know that such silence wasn’t normal? She watched as her parents kissed, not yet able to understand why, but she could sense it was all right. Now they were staring at one another, and it wouldn’t be until years later that she would understand the love and passion in that look.

Chakotay had returned his attention to her, smiling as he did so. His mouth was moving but she couldn’t understand what it meant. The movement of his lips made her laugh. It was amazing how little it took to amuse an infant. She was handed to her mother who was also moving her lips as she reached into the unzipped black and red jacket, meaning only one thing, it was time to eat.

Lifting the tunic, she freed a breast from her bra and guided it to her mouth. Sucking on the nipple, warm milk was released, filling her stomach as she swallowed. Closing her eyes, she put her mouth on autopilot. Each time the sucking motion slowed as sleep began overtaking her, she could feel her mother’s attempt to pull her breast away. Not wanting to lose contact, she started sucking with renewed enthusiasm, making her mother abandon the attempt.

Eventually, she slipped into the blackness of sleep, not quite realizing it had happened until she awoke in her crib, wanting to be changed and fed. She began to cry, having made the connection that when she did one of her parents would come and pick her up. She could feel the vibration in her chest, but again there was no sound and that was fine, she had mommy and daddy to keep her safe.


	11. Chapter 11

When Chakotay awoke, he held the woman who lay next to him, the woman he fell in love with, the woman who had given him a daughter. Snuggling close behind her, he gently caressed her stomach through the slick satin nightgown before sliding his hand up. Feeling the contours of her body until his hand reached her breast. He stroked it lightly with his fingertips. She moaned softly in her sleep, her body shifting slightly.

He knew she was becoming aroused. Propping himself up a bit, he kissed her shoulder. When her eyes opened, she had suspected she was dreaming, but to her delight, she wasn’t.

Rolling onto her back, she reached up and pulled him toward her to engage him in a passionate kiss. The four days of waiting had come to an end, and she wanted him to make love with her.

His tongue explored the familiar contours, not having forgotten any of the amazing things she had done to him with her mouth, just the thought was making him dizzy.

Rolling him onto his back, she slid down his body. Nipping and grazing his chest and stomach. Reaching the prize, she noticed he was already hard. It wouldn’t take much to send him hurtling toward oblivion. Pulling down his boxers, she closed her mouth around the head, letting her tongue swirl around it. Moaning, his hands went to her hair, trying to thrust upward, wanting her to take him in completely.

Slowly her mouth engulfed him inch by agonizing inch until he was completely inside. Her throat relaxed as she began to establish a rhythm. He thought he might go out of his mind as she continued to pleasure him. Then after a minute, she pulled away, making a groan escape his lips.

Lifting his head, he opened his eyes to see her on all fours, straddled over him. Sitting up just enough to grasp her by the arms, he pulled her toward him, forcing her to lay on top as his mouth found hers.

Rolling her onto her back, he began kissing and licking a trail between the valley of her breasts and across her stomach until he’d reached his goal.

Gently spreading her legs apart, he leaned forward to let his tongue swab around the silky lips before eventually taking her into his mouth. Sucking and licking the spot that would drive her crazy as she rocked her hips.

When she was getting extremely close, he stopped. Pushing himself up, he covered her body with his, kissing her passionately as she slid slowly inside. She gasped, breaking the kiss.

After being denied the pleasure of their lovemaking for a little over ten months, she was nearly overwhelmed by it. Sex with Chakotay had always been wonderful, but at this moment had forgotten how mind-shattering it was.

As his thrusts became quicker, she could feel a familiar sensation building in the pit of her stomach, wanting to consume her. Matching his rhythm, it didn’t take long. Tossing her head back she cried out, her nails clawing into this back as she wrapped her legs tightly around him. “Chakotay! Oh, God!”

The feeling was so strong that he was being squeezed out, the muscles contracting before eventually expanding. It was all he needed to crash over the edge to join her. Thrusting sporadically, he released himself inside. “Ahh! Kathryn!”

Exhausted, both became a tangled mass of arms and legs, each breathing heavily. Eventually, they found the strength to move again. Rolling off her, he lay on his side, stroking her arm lightly. “I’d forgotten how strong your thighs are. I’m sure you’ve bruised my ribs.”

She laughed before turning her head to see the smile on his lips, the dimples prominent in his cheeks. “Well if you’re complaining, we can spare you any further injuries by never having sex again.”

Moving, he lay on top of her using one arm to support some of his weight as the other stroked her cheek. “You could break my ribs and I wouldn’t care.” He replied, closing the distance he kissed her, his tongue working its way back into her mouth.

Wrapping her arms around him she spread her legs further apart, feeling him regaining his erection. His hand slipped down to grip her thigh through the sheet as he moved to kiss her neck. Taking his cue, she wrapped her legs around him, her head tossed back in order to give him complete access.

The Doctor’s face popped up without warning on the monitor in their bedroom. “Captain, Commander, I need to-” he cut himself off, watching with a hint of amusement as Chakotay scrambled off her. “I see you’ve wasted no time resuming all your ‘usual’ activities.” He resumed; a smile prominent on his lips.

Both Janeway and Chakotay’s faces flushed in embarrassment. “What do you think you’re doing Doctor?”

She was surprised, angry, and the smile receded. “I’m sorry I overrode the message alert, but I need to see both you and Commander Chakotay in sickbay.”

“For what?” Chakotay asked, the surprise and anger having been replaced by fear and concern. “Did you find something else wrong with Avenal?”

“No. Do you both remember the alternative treatment I referred to two months ago?”

“Yes,” Janeway answered. “But you didn’t want to discuss it.”

“I’m ready to discuss it with you now.”

“We’re on our way.” Then just as he was about to end the transmission she spoke. “Oh, and Doctor?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“If you ever do that again, I’ll have you scraping plasma residue from the exhaust manifolds with a hammer and chisel, clear?”

He gulped. “Yes, Captain, clear as Terillian crystal.”

“Good.” She nodded and he terminated the link.

“A hammer and chisel huh?” Chakotay said with a smile. “Not bad.”

“Thank you.” She replied with a smile of her own then sat up to join him. Giving him a kiss, she laid a hand on his thigh and said, “let’s get dressed, we can continue this later.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

***

When Kathryn entered the nursery, she noticed Avenal was awake and staring up at the plastic planets and stars Naomi had made, her little hands reaching up to grasp them but unable to. Smiling, Kathryn approached. “Well look who’s awake.” She said, leaning over she picked her up. Avenal squirmed, her hand grasping the material covering Kathryn’s breast. Taking her hand, she kissed the palm. “Not now precious, we’ve got to get you to sickbay.”

Carrying her over to the changing station, she laid her down as Chakotay entered and approached. Kissing the back of her neck he asked. “Need any help?”

“If you could get her some clean clothes, I’d appreciate it.”

“No problem.” Moving to the drawer, he opened it and picked out a dark green jumper with matching socks as Kathryn was removing her diaper.

“Stinky girl.” She teased, tossing it into the recycler. Cleaning her up, she powdered her before putting on a fresh diaper. Handing her the jumper, she and Chakotay got her dressed as Avenal continued to squirm.

When Chakotay picked her up, all three entered the living room as she started crying. “What’s wrong little one?”

“She’s hungry,” Kathryn explained.

“She’s spoiled because she’s used to being fed when she wakes up.” He pointed out.

“I don’t have time to breastfeed her.” She replied hurriedly, putting her shoes on.

“What about the milk you expressed for her last night?” He offered.

“It’s in the stasis unit.”

With a nod, he went back into the nursery and opened the small box. Taking out the bottle he closed the door before placing it to her lips. She allowed it at first, but after a couple of seconds she spat it out. “What is it?” He asked then offered it to her again, and again she refused. “Kathryn?” He questioned heading back into the living room. “She won’t take it. Do you think it’s gone bad?”

“Unless the stasis units have gone down it shouldn’t be.” She answered heading toward him and a crying Avenal. “Here let me have it.” Handing it over, she dabbed a few drops on her wrist then tasted it. “It’s fine.”

“Then it looks like she’s spoiled in more ways than one.” He said bouncing her in his arms to calm her.

“Here let me try,” Kathryn said.

Placing her into her arms, Chakotay watched as she put the bottle to Avenal’s mouth only to get the same response, frustrated she looked up at him. “Looks like we’re going to be late.” He said.

“No, you go, we’ll join you as soon as she’s been fed.”

“You sure?” She nodded. Moving to her he kissed her on the forehead. “See you in sickbay.” Stroking her cheek, he left.

***

“Where’s Avenal and the Captain?” The Doctor asked upon seeing Chakotay enter alone.

“They’ll be here in a while. So, what’s so important that you needed to see us?” Motioning for him to follow, he did. Tapping commands into the console, scans of Avenal’s inner ear appeared. “You called us down here to look at scans of my daughters’ ear?”

“No of course not. I’ve used the scans to create a simulation.”

“Of what?” He asked, not sure what the Doctor had in mind.

“Let me show you.” Tapping the console again the simulation began.

Watching the monitor, Chakotay noticed what looked to be nanoprobes passing through the tympanic membrane until reaching the three series of bones leading to the ossicle. “Are those nanoprobes?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Then why do they look so strange? I’ve never seen them with tentacles.” He guessed taking a stab at it.

“I do admit they may appear odd, but those ‘tentacles’ are in fact organic tissue that I’ve taken from the undamaged sections of your daughter’s ossicle. The modified probes will use that tissue to reconstruct those damaged sections.” Chakotay looked as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. “Are you all right Commander?”

“Fine.” He assured, forcing himself to breathe. Talk about being overwhelmed. “Are you certain this will work?”

“Nothing’s ever certain, but I’ve run countless simulations, and every one has shown encouraging results. I’m confident that this is her best chance.”

“Kathryn will want to look over your research before we make a decision, but from what you’ve shown me I tend to agree with you. I think this might work.”

The Doctor smiled. “I’d be happy to go over this with the Captain. In the meantime, why don’t you look at my research, it will familiarize you with what I’m proposing.” Chakotay nodded. “Commander, I don’t want to put any pressure on either of you, but the modified nanoprobes have a very brief half-life.”

“How long before their useless?” He asked, trying not to alert the Doctor to the fear he felt.

“When activated, around four hours. Right now, I’ve got them in stasis, but if they’re not used within the next thirty-six hours it will be weeks before I can modify enough to try this again.”

There was something in the tone of his voice that didn’t sit well with him. “You’re not telling me something.”

Sighing he nodded. “The longer we wait the more likely the damage will be permanent.”

“I see.” Chakotay nodded in understanding. “If we decide to do this and it doesn’t work, I want you to know that I appreciate everything you’ve done. I’m sure Kathryn does too.”

“Thank you, Commander.” He replied. Silence passed for several awkward moments. “Well, I’ll be in my office if you need me.” Chakotay nodded and the Doctor walked away.

Years ago, he wouldn’t have been upset if something had happened to his program - besides the fact that they would be without a doctor - now he considered him a friend. When did that happen? At what point did he see him as a friend and not a piece of technology? Did it matter? He supposed not. Turning, he began to study the Doctor’s research.

***

“Here,” Chakotay said dropping a data padd next to her on the bed.

Avenal was still feeding as she picked it up. “What’s this?” She asked watching him take a seat on the edge of the bed facing her.

“The Doctor’s treatment.” He explained but didn’t offer any further information.

She didn’t like this. Looking at the padd she began to read, and the more she did the more pensive her expression. Finishing, she met his gaze. Holding the padd between them she asked. “What did you tell him?”

There was no mistaking the dangerous tone. “That you wanted to go over his research before we made a decision.”

She appeared satisfied with his response. “What he’s proposing is risky.”

“I know, but I think it will work.”

“You think?” She replied incredulously. “If we do this that's it, there’s no going back. Once those nanoprobes attempt to repair the damage whatever they do from that moment remains permanent.”

“I realize that, but if we continue to do nothing, she’ll remain deaf. I think we have to try.”

Closing her eyes, she let out a breath. “I can’t go through this again. If I say yes and it doesn’t work, I don’t think I could live with myself knowing I had a hand in causing her to remain this way.”

Moving closer he took her hand. “Kathryn listen to me. You know that if we do nothing, she’ll most certainly stay this way. I understand how you feel.” Opening her eyes, she investigated his trying to keep the tears from falling. “I’ve asked myself the same question a hundred times before coming to you with this, and the only answer I get is another question. How could I live with myself if I didn’t at least take the risk?”

She was at a crossroads, and whatever she decided would change the course of her life forever. As a captain, she’s required to make these kinds of decisions. Do I fight or retreat? Do I go left or do I go right? Do I accept or do I decline? This time it was different, this was their child they were discussing. Could she live with herself by playing it safe and not allow the Doctor to try? Could she live with herself if the Doctor tried and was unsuccessful? Could she go through the heartache and hurt all over again? Could she stand to go through it one more time if she had to? She didn’t know, couldn’t know until she was faced with it. “All right Chakotay, we’ll let the Doctor try.”

He knew this was hard for her, and she had made many sacrifices for their daughter along the way, now she would be facing the ultimate sacrifice, surrendering to helplessness. This was one situation she couldn’t manipulate or control, she would have to wait and see if fate would be kind.

***

Two hours later, Avenal was laying in an incubation unit behind a force field crying as Kathryn and Chakotay looked on. The Doctor had to keep her awake, submitting an infant to anesthesia could kill them.

Kathryn wanted to reach out and take her in her arms, ease her fears, but she couldn’t. It was one of the hardest things she’d ever had to endure. Chakotay held her by the shoulders, making comforting sounds to keep his wife calm.

He was a nervous wreck. Seeing what this was doing to her, hearing his daughter’s frightened cries. At one point when Avenal’s cries sounded more like screams, he had to hold Kathryn back. “The Doctor knows what he’s doing. She’s only scared, that’s all.”

The Doctor could hear Chakotay’s attempt at reassurance and admired him for it. The truth was, Avenal’s screams were due to pain. He didn’t want to tell them that, but since she was so young and healthy, he knew she wouldn’t remember any of it. If he had a heart it would have broken having to hear Avenal’s pain-filled cries. There was nothing he could do to ease her suffering, as much as he wished he could.

Chakotay looked upon the Doctor’s face, needing to know if something wasn’t right, and it revealed nothing. He was completely absorbed in monitoring the nanoprobe's progress. Looking to Avenal, her tiny hands were in fists, covering her ears. Her face was red from screaming and crying. Kathryn was coming apart in his arms. “She’s in pain Doctor! Give her something!”

Stopping, he faced her from the opposite side of the force field. “You know I can’t do that, try to calm yourself, Captain.” His tone was not without sympathy, and that’s the only thing that prevented her from screaming at him.

“You have to do something.” She choked out.

“I’m open to suggestions.” He responded, tossing the ball back into her court.

She knew he couldn’t give her anything to ease the pain, it could kill her, but she couldn’t stand by listening to her scream much longer. “Let me in.”

“I can’t do that. Any bacteria you bring in with you could be passed on to your daughter and cause infection.”

“She needs me dammit!”

“I’m sorry, but I have to deny your request, please try to understand.”

Reaching out, her hand slammed into the force field, sending agonizing pain though her hand to her arm. She didn’t care, all that mattered was reaching Avenal. Raising her hand, she struck at it again but was stopped by Chakotay’s strong hand wrapped around her wrist. “That’s enough!” He demanded, turning her toward him.

Staring him in the eyes she replied, “How can you stand here and do nothing? Don’t you hear her screaming?” Her agony matching his own.

Releasing her wrist, he grasped her shoulders. “Yes, but there’s nothing either of us can do. This has to run its course.” He replied calmly, trying to remain the voice of reason.

Overwrought with grief, she tried to speak but was unable to. Pulling her into his arms he held her protectively as if he alone could subjugate her from the pain they both felt. If he could have taken her pain upon himself, he would without question or hesitation. He held her as the sound of their daughter's screams filled their ears until the last cry passed her lips.

After an hour it was over. Avenal’s screams had ceased, and she fell into an exhausted sleep. The Doctor left the force field after scanning her, the procedure had gone well. Approaching them, Kathryn turned to face the Doctor, anger in her eyes.

“Captain I’m-” he began sympathetically.

Raising her hand, she slapped him hard across the cheek, cutting his sentence short before walking away.

“Why didn’t you tell us she would be in pain?” Chakotay asked in controlled rage.

He was hesitant, unsure of how to answer his question. “I should have told you, but I didn’t want to put any more weight on your shoulders. She’s a young Commander, she won’t remember-”

“But we will.” He interrupted. “How did you think we’d feel seeing our daughter in pain and unable to stop it?”

“The same as you did, but I thought you’d both understand why I didn’t tell you.”

“Oh, I understand Doctor, but you had no right withholding that information from us!” Realizing he was shouting he forced himself to lower his voice. Closing the distance between them he spoke again, but this time it was restrained. “I understand your reasons. However, in the future, I want full disclosure, no matter how painful it might be, understood?”

The Doctor nodded. “Yes, Commander.”

“Good.” He replied taking a step back.

“I’m sorry.” He began, realizing how grievous an error he’d made.

Raising a hand, he cut him off. “I don’t want an apology.” The Doctor became silent, obeying his wishes. “When will we be able to take her home?”  
“I’ll need to keep her here at least three hours for observation.”

“Fine, we’ll be back after Kathryn and I have calmed down.” Without another word he turned and headed into the Doctor’s office where Kathryn was sitting.

He watched as Chakotay entered his office and knelt before her, taking her hands in his. She was furious, he could see it on her face as she spoke. He couldn’t hear what she was saying, but it wouldn’t be hard to guess who she was speaking about.

He thought he was sparing them one less burden but all he’d managed to do was cause them the very pain he was trying to protect them from. His heart was in the right place, but his actions were not. He’d made mistakes over the years when it came to people’s feelings and reactions, and he’d continue to do so in the future. But one thing was certain, he’d never make this mistake again.

***

Three hours later Avenal was released from sickbay and she still couldn’t hear anything. Since this operation was unprecedented no one knew what to expect. Before Janeway and Chakotay took their daughter home they had a long talk with the Doctor. Janeway explained she understood that he thought he was trying to ease their burden, but from this point on he would never keep anything from her. He apologized once again, knowing he was wrong. One of the things she admired in him was his ability to admit when he’d made a mistake. If everyone could do that the universe would be a better place.

Avenal wouldn’t eat, the sucking made her ears hurt, so she lay in relative comfort on Kathryn’s chest. The feel of her mother’s hand rubbing her back was comforting. That and the combination of her heartbeat was making her incredibly sleepy. Closing her eyes, she eventually found it.

She was dreaming. Mommy and Daddy were holding her, keeping her safe. Then there was the young man with the black hair and oddly shaped eyes. He was friendly, and his smile and presence made her happy.

There were times he would place a long black tube with shiny silver buttons to his lips, his fingers pressing and releasing the silver buttons as he blew into it. His eyes drifting from the clear stand with several sheets of paper to her then back again. She didn’t understand the purpose of it, but in an odd way, she found it comforting.

Now, after several breaks for sleep - which would translate to be nine days - Avenal lay in her crib, looking up at the young man with black hair and oddly shaped eyes, she smiled. He was blowing into the black tube with silver buttons.

Faintly, in the distance, came something she didn’t recognize. What was it? The smile faded and she looked pensive. There it was again, soft, faint. Her eyes darted around the room as if something would offer an explanation.

Hearing that the soft cooing and occasional laughter had stopped, he sat down his clarinet on the music stand and walked up to the crib. “Avenal, what is it? Are you wet? Hungry?” He asked, but in his gut, he knew it wasn’t any of those things. She looked frightened, confused. Reaching in the picked her up.

Laying her head against his chest there was a low soft thumping. What was that? Gripping his uniform in her tiny fists he rubbed her back gently as he rocked her from side to side, rotating his hips. “Avenal what’s wrong?” He asked as if she could answer. She wasn’t crying, and other than the frightened and confused look on her face he didn’t have a clue.

_“Avenal what is it?”_ Where had that come from? What did it mean? Scared she began to cry.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.” He said stroking her head, but his words only seemed to upset her further.

Chakotay was off the ship with Lieutenants’ Torres and Coyle mining verrilam in an asteroid field two days from here, he had no choice but to either contact the Doctor or Kathryn. He didn’t think this was a situation that warranted the Doctor’s attention so he would contact Kathryn and let her decide. She knew Avenal better than he did. “Computer.” It beeped. “Locate Captain Janeway.”

_“Captain Janeway is on the bridge.”_

“Damn.” He cursed. “I’d hate to contact her when everyone would hear Avenal crying, possibly alarming her unnecessarily.” He’d made another decision. “I’ll go to sickbay. If somethings wrong the Doctor will contact, her.”

***

“What’s wrong with her?” Harry asked looking up at the Doctor as he scanned.

“Nothing.” He replied with a smile.

“She’s crying. How can you say there’s nothing wrong?”

Closing the tricorder, he sat it aside. “Because there isn’t.” Tapping his com badge, he said. “Doctor to the Captain.”

_“What can I do for you, Doctor?”_

“Please report to sickbay immediately.”

There was an uncomfortable pause. _“Is everything all right?”_ She asked finally.

“Yes, Captain. I just need to speak with you regarding a matter of upmost importance.” He replied. His tone conveying his meaning through the words.

_“On my way. Janeway out.”_

“Have a seat Ensign.” The Doctor either ordered or suggested, Harry could take his pick.

He sat, knowing it wasn’t his place to demand answers. Avenal was his goddaughter, not his daughter, there was a difference. So, he waited, however impatient, for Kathryn to arrive.

***

“Your call sounded urgent,” Janeway said upon seeing the Doctor.

Without a word, he gestured to his office and she nodded in understanding. Her eyes searched Harry’s for a moment as if he had a better idea of what was happening, but all she saw was the same perplexed look reflected at her. Turning, she walked past the Doctor. Once she was inside, he closed the door and gestured for her to sit, she did as he took a seat behind the desk.

Harry watched as the Doctor began to speak, studying Kathryn for any reaction to his words. When her hands flew over her mouth, suppressing either a cry or gasp he wanted to go to her, find out what was wrong.

She cried, and with her hands covering her mouth he couldn’t tell if it was from grief or happiness. It took every ounce of will to keep himself seated. Finally, her hands fell away, and he could see she was smiling, a laugh escaping her lips. The tension in his muscles eased.

Both she and the Doctor stood. Stepping forward she shook his hand, thanking him before releasing it and leaving the office. Looking at him, Harry stood up. Nervously he asked. “Is she all right?”

Stepping forward, she embraced him in a hug. “It worked.” She replied into his ear. “She can hear.”

Feeling a flood of emotion Harry laughed and cried at the same time. Hugging her tight, he picked her up and spun her around. “She can hear!” He cried. “She can hear!”

Putting her down, she pulled away and headed for Avenal who was laying in the incubation unit. Picking her up, Kathryn pressed her cheek against her head as she wept. “Oh, my baby, you can hear. I’d almost given up hope.”

Still frightened and confused, she cried along with her mother. The sound of her own cries scared her further not having made the connection yet that this sound was emanating from her. It would take time before she made this realization, but now there was plenty of it.

***

Six days later Chakotay, Torres, and Coyle arrived at zero-four hundred. Neelix was the only one to greet them, and he looked as if he’d just fallen out of bed. “Welcome back!” He said with as much enthusiasm he could muster so early in the morning.

“Thanks,” Torres replied then commented. “I didn’t expect a welcome committee this early in the morning.”

“Especially since no one was expecting us until tomorrow evening.” Lieutenant Alycia Coyle added, adjusting the strap on her shoulder.

“Well you know me; I like to stay informed,” Neelix replied with a smile.

“Let me guess,” Chakotay began. “You had someone on the bridge contact you when we were within range.”

Neelix smiled. “You could say that.” Clapping his hands together he changed the subject. “Well if you don’t mind, I’ll be going back to bed.”

“I’m with you Neelix, I can hear my bed calling me. ‘Alycia, where have you been? I’ve missed you’.” Everyone laughed. “Goodnight Lieutenant, Commander,” Coyle said with a nod before splitting off with Neelix for the turbolift.

“Goodnight.” They replied walking on.

“I bet you can’t wait to see the Captain,” Torres said with a suggestive smile.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He retorted getting the hint.

“Come on Chakotay, a person would have to be stupid or blind not to notice how eager you were to get back here.”

Glancing over at her he smiled. “I hope Tom’s kept up his endurance while you were gone. I have the feeling he’s going to need it.” Reaching the turbolift he pushed the button and they entered. “Deck two.” He ordered and the doors closed.

“Deck four.” She added then smiled. “I hope the Captain’s caught up on her sleep while you’ve been gone because I have a feeling, she won’t be getting any more tonight.”

He smiled mischievously as the door opened. “We have an infant, that’s every night.”

“True,” She acquiesced, “Guess this is my stop,” She said heading out of the lift, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight B’Elanna,” Chakotay replied and the door closed.

Reaching his floor, he headed to his quarters where he knew Kathryn was waiting, asleep. He missed her as much as their daughter. He entered quietly, pausing by the nursery. Looking, Avenal lay peacefully asleep. Smiling, he headed for the bedroom.

Laying on her back, Kathryn wore a purple satin nightgown with thin straps. One hand lay next to her face, the other rested above the blanket on her stomach. The strap on her right shoulder had slipped down, and for Chakotay, it looked like an invitation.

Setting down his bags, he slipped off his boots and stepped softly around to his side of the bed. Taking a seat, he leaned forward to kiss her shoulder, his hand touching her stomach, stroking it through the slick fabric. She stirred and moaned in her sleep for several seconds before finally opening her eyes.

“Chakotay?” She gasped, pushing him back to see if it was him.

“Yes Kathryn, it’s me.” Then resumed kissing her shoulder.

She visibly relaxed. “I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow.”

“We managed to fill the cargo hold and made our way back here as fast as we could.”

“I have to tell you-”

Putting his finger to her lips he silenced her. “It can wait. Right now, I need to touch you.” Before she could protest, he kissed her as he moved to lay beside her. His hand immediately went to her breast, feeling it with his fingertips as if he were reading braille. She moaned into his mouth, her hands stroking his head and chest.

Kissing her neck, his hand slid across her hip to her thigh. Feeling her skin, he slipped his hand underneath to between her legs. Pulling the crotch of her panties aside, his fingers began to manipulate her.

Writhing under his ministrations, she found his lips and crushed them with her own. Their tongues caressing as she pulled him closer, unable to get close enough. Reaching down, she unclasped the button to his pants before releasing the zipper. Sliding her hand inside, she stroked him through his boxers. He moaned and pulled off her panties.

Discarding his pants and boxers, he took off his jacket leaving him in only his tunic. Carefully, but urgently, he slid himself inside her and it felt like home. Slowly he began to move, her legs coming up to wrap around his waist, locking him in place while she thrust her hips to meet him.

The explosion was coming, building within each of them, but it wasn’t certain who would reach it first. Then with a loud grunt and one last thrust, he released himself inside her. “God Kathryn!” He cried against her neck. 

Feeling her muscles beginning to contact, he resumed his movements, pounding into her until he felt as if her nails would claw through his tunic and into his back. Biting her lip, she bit off the cry, but it was too late, he had already awakened Avenal. Parting her lips, she cried out his name. “Chakotay Ahh!”

Drifting down, he heard their daughters cry. Giving her a kiss on the neck he rolled onto his back. Pushing herself up, she gave herself a quick clean, not bothering to put on her panties, instead headed into the nursery to retrieve their daughter.

Laying on her back the infant kicked, her hands balled into tight fists as she continued to verbalize how upset she was at being awakened in the middle of the night. Reaching in, Kathryn picked her up and held her against her chest. Patting her on the back, she carried her into the bedroom as she attempted to quiet her.

When she entered, Chakotay had donned a clean pair of boxers and was now leaning back against the pillows shirtless. Taking a seat next to him, he adjusted the pillows so she could lean back in relative comfort. “What’s wrong?” He asked rubbing their daughters back.

“You woke her up.”

He looked taken back for a moment. Then the impact of those simple words hit him like a fist. “She can hear?”

Kathryn smiled and nodded. “I tried to tell you before, but you distracted me.” She added playfully. He couldn’t help but smile back.

Looking down at their daughter, tears formed in his eyes. “I don’t believe it. When did it happen?”

“The day after you left. Harry was with her.” Shaking his head, he let out a laugh. “What’s so funny?” She asked confused.

“It’s ironic.”

“What is?”

“Harry. He was present on all the biggest events of Avenal’s life. Her birth when she lost her hearing and when she regained it.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment then replied. “That’s not entirely correct.”

“Oh?” He questioned raising an eyebrow. “What did I forget?”

“Her conception.” She said straight-faced, and it was enough to bring the laughter back for them both.

“Can you imagine?” He forced out between fits of laughter.

“Yes, and that’s what makes it so funny. I can see the horrified expression on his face.” She managed to reply.

Avenal, who had calmed slightly, was crying again. “I’m sorry precious.” She said, trying to stop laughing. “Shame on us for keeping you awake.”

Chakotay wiped his eyes before reaching down to retrieve the blanket. Covering them, he leaned back and put his arm around Kathryn as she pushed down the strap of her nightgown to feed her. Her father’s hand gently caressing her head. Taking the nipple into her mouth the cries ceased as she looked up, staring into her mother’s eyes. They were gentle, kind, and full of love.

As the years passed and she grew into womanhood, she never forgot the memory of her eyes. She was dead now, her father too, but when she looked into her daughter’s eyes, she could see a piece of her parents reflected at her, and in that way, their legacy lived on.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Members, as well as guests, are free and able to leave comments on any of my work.


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